tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-80332970802125716762024-03-13T07:36:36.387-07:00Eccentric SealEllenorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00711447641271274810noreply@blogger.comBlogger37125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8033297080212571676.post-44141629741478099302022-06-05T12:28:00.002-07:002022-06-05T13:50:11.577-07:00My first blooding in the Terf Wars<p dir="ltr" id="docs-internal-guid-dd2e267a-7fff-cdbe-4057-a48811a24483" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">When I moved to Glasgow 12 years ago, I joined two groups which were to have a profound effect on</span></p><p dir="ltr" id="docs-internal-guid-dd2e267a-7fff-cdbe-4057-a48811a24483" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">my political outlook. And set me on a course that culminated recently in 6 solid months of stress, </span></p><p dir="ltr" id="docs-internal-guid-dd2e267a-7fff-cdbe-4057-a48811a24483" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">my first intimate experience of a political split and my first proper blooding in the Terf wars. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">The first was a very small, trans inclusive feminist group. It was in this group that I coined the ridiculous </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">phrase "are now or have been a woman" in an attempt to find a form of words which would allow us to </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">keep a very nice young woman who identified as non binary and kick out two sexist blokes who err…</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">also identified as non binary. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">If you know anything about contemporary trans politics you will instantly see that this tack was offensive </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">to all parties but, hey, my heart was in the right place. I was trying to be inclusive. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">The two non binary blokes…..I later talked to a member of the group about them in private. She felt that</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">at least one of them was simply "trolling" us. But explained that there was nothing we could do about </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">this. Because it would be transphobic to openly question their identity. I realised that this group had </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">painted itself into an ideological corner it couldn't get out of. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">It was also in this group that I witnessed (from the inside) the wrecking tactics that trans inclusive</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> feminists could marshal against other feminist groups. A previously defunct feminist group was </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">reforming and my comrades effectively poisoned the well by very agressively demanding that it should </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">be trans inclusive before the first meeting had even been held. The pleas of these feminists, that they </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">couldn't possibly make such a decision before the first meeting had even been held, fell on deaf ears. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I watched with grim fascination as the women I worked alongside discussed how to escalate from</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> "concern trolling" to "calling out". It was practised and systematic. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Behind the scenes I called for calm and asked everyone to hold fire until I could at least speak to these </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">women in person. No-one was interested. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> </span></p><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">By that point I knew that I couldn't agree with this group's politics or their methods. But I also knew that I </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">couldn't say so openly without an ugly backlash. So I extracted myself ever so carefully from that circle</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> and joined an amazing online discussion group where heavyweight thinkers from radical feminism and </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">trans studies were discussing their ideas together, not calling each other out or trying to ruin each </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">other's lives. I felt like I'd finally found the room where the grown ups were talking. I did a lot of listening </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">and asked a lot of questions and came out on the radical feminist side of things after a lot of </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">consideration. </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> </span><br /></div><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">The other group was Wyndford Residents Union. At the time I joined it was a Registered Residents </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Association. You can see in<a href="http://eccentricseal.blogspot.com/2019/06/school-choices.html"> this post</a> how proud I was when we affiliated it to Living Rent, </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> a national tenants union and project of the far left. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Living Rent is not my first rodeo and I was, of course, aware that lefties aren’t always the </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">best at mucking in with working class people. For an excellent explanation of this phenomenon I </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">recommend <a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Despised-Modern-Loathes-Working-Class/dp/1509539999">Despised by Paul Embery</a> </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I was also aware, by that point, that I was harbouring views on gender that would make me persona non </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">grata in many left wing circles. </span></p><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">For example: I think that cis gendered women have the right to own spaces and our own political </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">organisation. I also think that public policy affecting women should be based on the material fact of </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">people’s sex and not the unquanifable soup of people’s internal sense of identity. </span><br /></div><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><br /></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Nonetheless I thought Living Rent was at the sensible end of things and that a broad based union ought</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">to hold space for a variety of views. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> </span></p><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">And so I existed in the Wyndford Residents Union, a largely working class residents association tucked</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">inside of a largely middle class far left project. Even as I watched many many women with my views</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> ‘cancelled’ by the wider left. And even as I was aware that many of my middle class comrades </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">considered me something akin to a fascist. </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> </span><br /></div><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">My husband, Nick, got a job with Living Rent and they did the typical tiny-lefty-org thing of working him </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">for 80 hours a week and paying him for about 20 of them. Which neither of us minded since we were </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">both so bought into the project. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Then some people in Living Rent noticed that Nick was expressing gender critical views on his personal </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Facebook and made a complaint to his bosses in Living Rent. Actually they made a lot of complaints. <br />several a week at one point. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">There was an internal investigation which decided to take no action.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> </span><br /></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">At this point the Trans Rights Activists within Living Rent threw something of a tantrum that they </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">hadn't managed to get someone sacked on demand and escalated to attacking not just Nick, but anyone</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">associated with him. Largely women. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">There were a number of social media threads on a Living Rent Facebook page (supposedly dedicated to </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">housing advice) Living Rent internal slack channel and the personal Facebook page of a character </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">named Brian</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><span id="docs-internal-guid-834eb690-7fff-8944-1acd-0e8d8f12b542" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> Mac Uidhir.</span> (Who none of us had even met!) T<a href="https://www.facebook.com/bribribribribribribribribri/posts/10220349672760681">he post</a> is still up and still public so you can</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">see the madness for yourself. Albeit with some of the worst comments now removed by facebook. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">People named as terfs on the Brian thread included me, my husband, two other female members of the </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Wyndford branch (including one who had simply been photographed standing next to Nick) a recent </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">recruit to the Living Rent National Committee who had said that sex based rights were important and a </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">couple of others who had done nothing more than appeal for calm.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Photos of people were gleaned from the Wyndford branch's Facebook page and were shared on this </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">thread. Including one identifying someone's house. People were told they should "prove" themselves and</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">avoid further harassment by denouncing us and cutting ties. As you may imagine, the language used </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">was extremely hostile and misogynistic. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">One of the people commenting on the Brian thread was (at that point) acting secretary of the Wyndford <br />branch. We held a committee meeting and removed him with a vote of no confidence for participating in </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">bullying. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Living Rent as an organisation lost their minds over this. They dissolved the Wyndford Branch and </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">suspended the committee from our duties. We found out they were having secret chats with the </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Trans Rights Activists and planning to build a new branch around them.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Around this time the management of Living Rent also convinced itself that any attempt at online </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">moderation was a form of "tone policing" and damaging to trans members. From that point onwards </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">online harassment of women went completely unchecked. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">If anyone who has been accused of being a 'Terf' commented about anything on any Living Rent </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">platform they were mercilessly attacked. Moderators who tried to stop it were immediately removed. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I lost track of exactly what was being said about me because there were simply not enough hours in the </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">day. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Previous to this I had been a respected member of Living Rent. I had been on the board of directors. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I had written some of the policies that should have prevented this shit storm from happening. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I remember a part about ‘robust debate’ being encouraged so long as everyone behaved in a ‘comradely </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">manner’. Everyone had agreed with this at the time. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Nick had to resign because every staff check now consisted of a new charge of gross misconduct for </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">something ridiculous. Branch meetings in other parts of the country featured compulsory discussions </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">about "transphobia in living rent" and sought views on how to combat it. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">In all this I can't recall any of us EVER having a single negative interaction with a trans person. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Except perhaps for a single facebook discussion about Judith Butler when one of us got called </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">‘medieval’ and ‘a dinosaur’. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Quite apart from our own hurt feelings in this, which have been considerable, such left wing McCarthyism is horrifically destructive to mass organisation. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In the Wyndford we are attempting to recruit and organise everyone. This includes some lefties. Glasgow is a lefty place. It also includes orange lodge members, some fairly socially conservative Catholics, members of black majority churches with their own ‘biblical’ views on gender and sex. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Inevitably it also includes some people who might be casually sexist or racist or transphobic. You need to challenge that sort of thing. We do challenge it. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You can insist that everyone treat each other with respect. But you can’t insist that everyone sign up to a shared ideology. That’s not a union or a residents association. That’s a political sect. Or a cult. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">If your criteria for ‘cancelling’ someone from their own residents association on their own scheme is that they respectfully disagreed with you on a facebook thread about Judith Butler then you have a lot to learn about the practicalities of class struggle. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">What Living Rent has learned, in fact, is that you can't easily cancel someone from their own community where they live and have friends. And where they have been building a residents association for over a decade. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The whole time the Living Rent drama was going on, we were putting together a word of mouth AGM to disaffiliate the Wyndford Residents Union from Living Rent.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The AGM report noted that </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">‘Increasingly the organisation became focused on a very extreme form of political correctness, but refused to do anything when women in our branch were targeted for online harassment.’ </span></p><br /><p><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">A sentence that is magnificent in its brevity. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">A little later Living Rent quietly dropped any further attempts to organise on the Wyndford and decided to focus on other things. Good riddance. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #888888; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><span style="color: black;">This must all seem very parochial. The Wyndford is not a large place and we are not a big organisation. </span></span></p><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #888888; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><span style="color: black;">Nonetheless we are one of the few examples I know, where a left wing organisation standing up to TRA</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #888888; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><span style="color: black;">bullies and surviving intact. And I’m very proud of that. </span></span></div><p><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #888888; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><span style="color: black;"><br /><br /></span><br /></span></p><p></p>Ellenorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00711447641271274810noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8033297080212571676.post-15857462240333828212022-04-28T01:39:00.005-07:002022-06-05T10:21:27.365-07:00School Choices Part 2<p dir="ltr" id="docs-internal-guid-ad6541d5-7fff-2447-375f-b04d3be3f499" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Since this </span><a href="https://www.blogger.com/u/2/#" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="-webkit-text-decoration-skip: none; background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration-skip-ink: none; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">post</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> a lot of things happened. Jimmy got properly diagnosed with Autism. We celebrated at a </span></p><p dir="ltr" id="docs-internal-guid-ad6541d5-7fff-2447-375f-b04d3be3f499" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">specific Indonesian Cafe that does plain noodles the exact way he likes them. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Also, there was a pandemic. I kept a diary the whole time. I didn't post it here because everyone was going </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">through the same thing and I thought it would be boring. I have some kind of plan to cross reference it </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">against Dominic Cummings' select committee evidence and finally work out what the fuck was going on.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Like everyone else, I home schooled the kids. For Kirsty it was a nightmare. For Jimmy it was.....</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">his best life. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">We didn't send him back. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">So now I have one home educated kid and one kid in school. Its interesting. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">The thing about the Gaelic school that I didn't grasp at the time. Everyone else is tutoring. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">The class is moving at the pace of a tutored child.</span></p><p><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">If you knew from the start that you planned to heavily tutor your kid that school would be a rational choice.</span></p><p><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">They won't be slowed down by the rest. Back in the early days someone described the Gaelic school as </span></p><p><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">"like private school but for free". This must be what they meant. Because in other ways it's not very much</span></p><p><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">like private school at all. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">If you want to be a laid back, disorganised hippy Mum but then you also think "I'll send them to the high</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">performing school and they'll magically perform highly" then you are in for a shock.</span></p><p><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Home Education is the opposite. If Jimmy is two or three years behind in Writing and Maths, well so</span></p><p><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> what? If he has an undergraduate level knowledge of history- that's fine as well.</span><br /></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">If he wants to spend all day geeking out on his "special interests" I let him. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">If he can only sustain 10 minute bursts of attention on anything else......10 minutes it is.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">He'd have a hard time slotting himself back into school at this point, that's for sure. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">But what's the hard deadline for really knuckling down to structured study? Assuming that’s the aim? </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">14 maybe, for the start of standard grades?</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">At the same time Kirsty's started coming home with the disappointing report cards and the school</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> are expecting me to make her knuckle down. It's a demoralising bit of deja vue because, with Jimmy, </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">those reports were the start of a slippery slope that led to us taking him out of school. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Plus, now I've seen how much more laid back it’s possible to be and STILL have your kid learn I’m less </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">inclined to play that game. </span></p>Ellenorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00711447641271274810noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8033297080212571676.post-63232636732793829762019-06-16T02:13:00.000-07:002019-06-16T02:41:14.709-07:00School Choices<div dir="ltr" id="docs-internal-guid-be1ae1db-7fff-ebd6-1bbb-2de71f15325f" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">We chose our house, 7 years ago, partly on the areas potential for class struggle. Because we are that </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">ridiculous and left wing.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Part of what informed that decision was my husbands involvement in a campaign to save a number of </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">primary schools across the city, in which residents of the scheme had been particularly militant. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">The school was lost but, almost as a consolation prize, the building was repurposed as a </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">community centre which now hosts a youth club, gym, free computers, welfare rights advice and a </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">food bank. It has become central to the life and survival of the community. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">We moved in and we were not wrong to do so. We're all very happy here. Plus the residents </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">association has recently affiliated to Living Rent. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Five years later, of course, I had to register the eldest child at school and noticed, as if for the first time,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">that there wasn't one to send him to. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I had become the only middle class mother in the world to deliberately move to an area <b><i>because of</i></b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">its lack of schools. Go me! </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">After closing our school, the council tacked our scheme onto the catchment area of the nearest other </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">scheme-school. This is not the nearest school. Getting there involves a long walk along a dangerous </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">road (they do provide a bus but I don't trust them not to cut it). </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Plus the teachers seemed a bit fatalistic about the kids life chances and local mum-chat suggested </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">they weren't so hot on bullying. By this point my son was a head smaller than kids his age and, in the </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">nicest possible way, already a bit odd. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Also there's a difference between a scheme-school on your own scheme and a scheme-school </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">somewhere else. I don't know what that difference is- but it seems important. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I did some brief lefty hand wringing about my reluctance to send him there (catchment schools are, of </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">course, sacrosanct objects of lefty affection). Then I spoke to the other nursery Mums. Every single one </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">of them were putting in a placing request to somewhere else. It was a catchment school in name only.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I felt like this gave me a green light to just go ahead and pick wherever the hell I liked. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">We put him down for the Gaelic School. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Four kinds of parents pick the Gaelic school. Nationalist Head Bangers, Actual Gaels, West End </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Trendies and Ambitious Parents in Working Class Areas. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">It's one of the best performing schools in the city and its the only top performing school that you can </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">get into without living somewhere extremely expensive. It therefore attracts a surprising number of </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">pupil premium kids. All of them with fiercely aspirational parents. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Of the four categories, my husband fits firmly in number one. He'd have sent a kid there if all they ever </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">learnt was an appreciation for William Wallace and the ability to play that giant harp thing. I'm more </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">number four. I weighed up the options and decided that this was the least worst. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Two years on, it's not been easy. Here's something people don't tell you about high performing schools.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">They whittle. If your kid is not doing so well, you will get called in and hints will begin to be dropped about </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">how, perhaps, this isn't the best setting for them. This has happened to most of Gaelic School kids in </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">our area, including us. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">It's shitty. It makes you wish you chose the scheme school where, you imagine, the teachers are more</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">used to kids being a bit slow to read and don't make you feel like crap about it. Maybe they are a bit </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">more proactive. I bet they don't just tell the parents to get their kids up to standard or fuck off; you find </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">yourself thinking. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I spent a Christmas holiday bashing the Fuamin (Gaelic for phonyms) with my son and sent him back </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">more or less reading. The teachers attitude softened towards us. Life went on. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Then we got called in again. Something was seriously off with my sons concentration and focus. Could</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">we start the process to get him assessed for Autism? </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I thought of his complete lack of engagement at school and his suspiciously fast progress at home; a</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">fact I had prevously viewed with bemused relief. Suddenly it made a little more sense. I made an </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">appointment with the GP. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">This is where I started viewing the school a little differently. For background, middle class parents do </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">not typically view this school as especially good for special needs. My sons teacher, in particular, </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">doesn't have the best reputation. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">And yet…. She noticed a problem I hadn't. She sat with me for well over an hour talking me through the </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">processes the school must go through and the different ways to help him in the classroom and at </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">home. She printed out useful information from the internet and sent it home in his school bag. She did</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">say that funds probably won't be available for a TA (which I suspect he needs) but that seems </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">to be a problem across the city, not with his school in particular. </span></div>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">By contrast, I recently learned of a kid at the catchment school. This kid sounds similar to mine in his </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">concentration and learning troubles. None of this has been done for him. He's just been left to do </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">colouring in. By himself. For 3 years. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I don't know what kind of thing the middle class parents were expecting (I know I described myself as </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">middle class earlier- I feel like I am until I mix with these guys!) if the Gaelic school's efforts </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">seem inadequate to them. Its more than I could expect in any other school open to us. <br />Actually, they must mean the whittling. The constant threat of being whittled. </span></div>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Still, I imagine myself trying to fight against the kind of complacency other Mums are facing at the </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">catchment school and I feel like I've made the right choice.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I was wrong to imagine that teachers in scheme schools are working hard to find imaginative and </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">engaging ways to get slow kids to read. Sometimes they are (the kids nursery was like this). </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Sometimes they're just shrugging their shoulders and saying "Well, what can else can we expect from </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">kids like these?" </span></div>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I've placed such a serious academic barrier in front of a kid who already has trouble learning. I've made</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">him do all his learning in a different language. And yet, I've removed a larger barrier: the total lack of </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">expectations he would have met with, elsewhere. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">And yes, we are going to spend the summer holiday's working on his writing. 10 minutes per day. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">No excuses. </span></div>
Ellenorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00711447641271274810noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8033297080212571676.post-76838406300850565162018-11-11T03:59:00.001-08:002018-11-11T03:59:48.824-08:00Watching Mumsnet, Watching Britains Largest Family <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have a love hate relationship with Mumsnet. It’s always fascinating
to me as the epicentre of a particular kind of engaged, intensive form of
mothering with a particular focus on education. <br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">On Mumsnet I have seen posters ask “Doesn’t everyone teach
their kids to read before they start school? Surely that just part of good
parenting.” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve seen long threads on
the subject of what exactly constitutes “social capital” and how they can be
sure to impart it. (Trips to the opera were mentioned.). I’ve seen debates on various
types of secondary schools conducted from the starting point that everyone’s child
would easily get into grammar school. No doubt because of the work already invested
in “talking and reading to them when they were little” <br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It’s a part of a particular kind of parenting which originates
in the middle class. The basic strategy being to have fewer children and to invest
more heavily in them in the hopes that they can become high earners and
replicate the privilege that allowed you to parent in that way in the first
place.<br /><br /> </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What’s interesting about this kind of parenting is not so
much its merits. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a fairly
reasonable adaptation to the circumstances of middle class life. What’s more interesting
is the extent to which its followers believe it to be a moral and social good
in and of itself, rather than a method of replicating and hording privilege to
the benefit of their own offspring. </span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /></span>
</div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It’s one of the many ways in which middle class people tend
to confuse their own interests with the general good. And since middle class
people are in positions of power and influence that gets translated into social
policy so that working class women have to be harassed to parent more like
middle class mothers.<br /><br /> </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Zoe Williams book <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/books/2014/dec/06/zoe-williams-the-madness-of-modern-parenting">The Madness of Modern Parenting </a>is very
good on this point. <br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I’m reminded of all this on this current Mumsnet thread
discussing the Radfords, “Britains Largest Family.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span>The Radfords are essentially doing an extreme
version of the opposite strategy. Instead of having small number of children and invesiting in them heavily they have a very large number of children
and utilise their labour power for good of the family as a whole.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Traditionally, this might be on a farm. In
the Radfords case, its the family bakery, looking after younger siblings and
in the very modern profession of celebrity itself.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It’s worth having a look at the thread to see people who do intensive
parenting in a small family, completely failing to understand collective parenting
in a larger family. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“How do the kids do afterschool activities?” They ask. “When
does anyone listen to them read?” "What about parents evening?"</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
The implied answers being, of course “they don’t”, "never" and "I bet they don't bother to turn up." Cue much frothing
from a section of society that view these things as sacrosanct.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The theme finally reaches its peak when a poster suggests
that all 21 Radford kids will be a “burden to society” because without
intensive parental involvement in their education “they are unlikely to become
high earners.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I love this particular comment because it makes so much of
the usually unspoken Mumsnet assumptions explicit. Human value is measured in
wealth. Poor people are a burden. People who fail to meet middle class standards
for educational involvement are a problem, not just for their own children, but
for society as a whole.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">All this is far more interesting, to my mind, than the lives of the
Radfords themselves. </span></div>
Ellenorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00711447641271274810noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8033297080212571676.post-65414981521266818802018-01-06T05:35:00.001-08:002018-01-06T05:35:22.302-08:00Manipulative Clients <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In the early 200’s I was living on a traveller site and
making my living from the Big Issue. I learnt a lot about evasiveness and
manipulation there. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I leant why it was
necessary and I learnt how to do it. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There was a grave yard a few miles away where a water tap
was provided for relatives to tend the flowers on the graves. Of course, we collected
our drinking water there. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There must have been a few complaints because, by my time,
there was a notice was pinned up saying “This water is provided for the users
of graveyard- NOT for tramps!” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Because of this, we used the after tap less frequently and
more circumspectly. We could probably have stopped using it altogether and
driven a little further for water but people would have complained at that
place too. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The logic of the situation encouraged us to tan the fuck out of any goodwill and
then keep pushing the envelope long after the goodwill had dried up. Far, far
beyond the point that a townie would have shrugged and moved on. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The majority of times, I would pull up in the lane, hop out
with the water butt, fill it and be in my van before anyone could notice. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But when someone did show up, I would fix them with a cheery
smile and say “Sorry! I know it’s a bit cheeky, but my radiators busted. I need
to keep putting water in till I can get it fixed.” </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I would watch people’s faces relax from suspicion to relief because
I had given him something they could relate to. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As far as I was concerned, drinking water was a more immediate
and legitimate need than water for a vehicle. But I learnt that objective need
doesn’t necessarily bring sympathy. And from then on, if I needed to ask
permission or forgiveness (the latter is easier by the way) I was sure to
translate it into terms that might be easily understood. I didn’t think it was
lying exactly. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Another time, I was selling the Big Issue. I’d taken a break
from selling to get a bit of shopping in and had returned to the pitch with the
bags. A friend came by and warned me against doing the same thing again. If
people can see you’ve been shopping and are still trying to sell Big Issues
they will think you’re taking the piss, he explained. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was right of course, and from this, I learned
to be relatable not only to what people know but also to what they think they
do. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
They don’t want to buy a magazine from someone who is a little bit skint but
able to get by with help of an outside organisation. Someone, like myself, who
might be in work fairly often but still need a little stand by. They want to
feel like they’ve rescued you. They want you to be absolutely on your knees but
they also want their causal £1.50 gesture to be the decisive turning point in
your life. And they want to feel this way even when they’re 5p short of the
cover price. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
What they want is an impossible fantasy. I learned to play up to it. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Later on, I was living in a really large squat in London. 20
of us the one time I counted and more when I had given up trying to count. One
or two of us had medical problems. One very young girl with quite severe mental
health problems and a woman with a chronic stomach problem. There was only one
doctor who would see us, <a href="https://www.homeless.org.uk/homeless-england/service/kings-cross-primary-health-care-centre">this homeless doctor in Kings Cross</a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I went there quite often with the mentally unwell girl, to
act as moral support. It was an extremely grim place. I was in there once and a
guy started having alcohol withdrawal seizures right there in the waiting room.
While the staff were rushing to ring an ambulance, someone from the Kings Cross
Regeneration Agency came in and tried to get them to fill out a survey. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At a glance, you could see that she had
reached the point in her own downward spiral where she had almost, but not yet,
lost her job. She was wearing business clothes, but a little grubby and not
ironed. She seemed strung out. She asked to use the toilet and returned a few
minutes later looking happier and more energetic. I thought “My God, if the regeneration
people are crack heads…this area really is fucked” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It’s unrecognisable now of course. They regenerated it, crack
head employees notwithstanding. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The staff there would occasionally ask if I wanted to
register and I would always refuse. I was volunteering with the CAB at that
point and I knew a little about how public sector funding worked. I knew that no
one had sat down in Kings Cross, thought about the desperate junkies and
homeless prostitutes and written a funding application that said “We want to
provide a primary care service for crusty- squatters in Hoxton” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Like the graveyard water butt- we were taking something that
wasn’t designed for us. There was going to be limited good will and, as a
collective, we might have to lean on it more than was reasonable. I wasn’t
going to wear it out sooner than necessary on the off chance I might get an ear
infection. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It was at the CAB that I first sat on the other side of the
desk and learned to see myself as a professional and not a service user. It was
first place I heard a service user described as “manipulative”. I recognised
this immediately as a word to describe how I had learned to get by. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> Translating
your needs into something understandable, playing up to expectations, taking
from services meant for somebody else. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I didn’t have a problem with “manipulative” clients. I
understood what they were trying to do and why it was necessary. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In fact, my secret agenda there was to learn more and better
manipulation. I thought the CAB could teach me some trick to get a council flat
and stop the jobcentre from hassling me. Disappointingly, no such trick exists.
Eventually I squatted their office long enough that they put me on the payroll
and all those problems sort of melted away. That had been the trick all along. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I’m very privileged these days, not to need evasiveness and manipulation. Not because I'm self sufficent and never need help, thats not true of anyone. I'm privileged that pretty much all of my wants and needs are readily
understood by mainstream society. And often sympathised with. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> No-one will think
I’m taking the piss if I go to the doctors. They won’t cock their head and say “She’s
just trying to get painkillers and a sick note.” If I need to, I can walk in
and explicitly ask for painkillers and a sick note.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Even so, I employed quite elaborate manipulation, in the
most respectable period of my life, to make a social services investigation go
away. You can read about it <a href="http://eccentricseal.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/into-lion-den.html">here</a>. The social worker won’t have thought of me as
one of her “manipulative clients”. I can confidently tell her, all her clients
are manipulative. Some more obviously than others. Manipulation is what
everyone does when faced with someone more powerful that they need something
from. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Every so often, I get the opportunity to pay it forward.
Someone will come and try to beg money from me, visibly distressed and with a
story that doesn’t quite add up. And I’ll pay. I know it isn’t what they just
said. But it will be something. A real need, translated into something else.
And it isn’t my place to know. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Ellenorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00711447641271274810noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8033297080212571676.post-20171375135033227332017-12-30T07:13:00.000-08:002017-12-30T07:25:16.389-08:00My life as a crusty- What was it all for? <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Once upon a time, I was a crusty. I lived in squats and on
traveller sites, I hung from trees at road protests, I was very briefly tabloid
fodder famous under the nom du guerre of “Animal”.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-z5k_wUPMdB8/Wkeu72ZS-TI/AAAAAAAAADY/ZQVJtrR6BTEFM2aXW4ZkP7Li1CYKnC35QCLcBGAs/s1600/animal.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="651" data-original-width="960" height="217" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-z5k_wUPMdB8/Wkeu72ZS-TI/AAAAAAAAADY/ZQVJtrR6BTEFM2aXW4ZkP7Li1CYKnC35QCLcBGAs/s320/animal.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This part of my life lasted 10 years and for a lot of it, I
was an unashamed lifestylist. I believed that my lifestyle not only reflected
but also advanced my politics. Our more intellectual members held serious
discussions about how society might be changed for the better by expanding our
sub culture until it reached a tipping point where it might influence wider
society. Even as the rest of us destroyed our bodies and minds with drugs. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the early 2000’s “Crimeth-Ink” coined the slogan:
“Homelessness, poverty- If you’re not enjoying it you’re not doing it right”
and, although I could understand why others found this offensive, it chimed
with me immediately. I was homeless. I was poor. And yet, I was having the time
of my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Materially, I was better off
than I had been for much of my life. Squatting gave me spacious accommodation,
Skip-diving gave me access to the middle market convenience foods I had always
wanted to eat. I had a fantastic social life. I had sense of mission. It was a
far better life than the best case alternative; a poky bedsit and a minimum
wage job. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Outsiders unfairly characterised our scene as “middle class
dropouts” and although that was true for some of us- it was far from universal.
We had a strong underclass contingent. We had a lot of working class kids from
small towns. We had a lot of ex-army guys. Our way of life was both an act of
rebellion against a comfortable youth and a way of surviving an adverse one. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Through environmental politics, I mixed with people who
weren’t lifestylists. In fact they had a strong critique of lifestylism. They said
the word like an accusation. It was a risk to more useful political expression.
If people acted like opposition new road required you to become a crusty- well
then, we would only be able to mobilise crusties to oppose roads. And indeed as
the anti-roads movement progressed, the proportion of crusties did increase
with “straights” often sidelined as “local support” or patronised as “weekenders.” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One time, I was living on a traveller site just outside of
Basingstoke. A bunch of us had found work through a local employment agency.
The recruiter let slip that she had accidentally overfilled the order. We were
to turn up at the warehouse and, if there were too many of us, one of us would be
sent home. We decided immediately that, of course, we would all walk off the
job rather than have someone sent home to site. I suggested we extend the same
solidarity to any other agency workers who might show up, townie kids most
likely. It would cost us nothing to do so. Someone said, with venom, “No way!
They wouldn’t do that for us” and everyone nodded along. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
At that moment, I saw how a subculture can be an inward looking
thing. We set ourselves outside and against mainstream society. I had thought
this was a progressive impulse because it demonstrated a critique. But the
reality of our behaviour was reactionary. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Looking for a way to combine subcultural identification with
a wider socialist politics, I joined the Independent Working Class Association (IWCA)
while still living in a squat. The IWCA was so keen to disassociate itself from
any counter culture- even the subculture of the Trotskyist left that it almost
adopted a pastiche of “traditional working class culture” as its own
subcultural affiliation. We’d go door knocking in tower blocks wearing smart
black jeans, clipboards and bomber jackets. We must have looked like bailiffs. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-38Gi9sAzk6k/WkevMatXi6I/AAAAAAAAADc/rJHR52O2OHgup5qYo6JnkxQZmroZ4KbfwCLcBGAs/s1600/narrow%2Bboating.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="960" height="240" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-38Gi9sAzk6k/WkevMatXi6I/AAAAAAAAADc/rJHR52O2OHgup5qYo6JnkxQZmroZ4KbfwCLcBGAs/s320/narrow%2Bboating.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
This is a picture of me from that period. I'm the one with the bleached hair pulled into a harsh pony tail. As you can see I'd begun to adopt the trademark IWCA "normcore" asthetic. <br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Honestly you would think some of our members had they never
had a preference in clothes or music their entire life. I felt like shaking
them and shouting “Oi Punks! You’re fucking Oi Punks! And there’s nothing wrong
with that!” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Instead, I had to spend my time explaining squatting
culture. How it was a cross-class culture. I laid out the attitude of myself and
the many working class crusties I knew: “My life in mainstream society is shit.
I’m never going back to that!” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I listened to comrades tell me that I “wouldn’t last five
minutes” on estates like the one I grew up on. This was a particular head fuck
as my family had, in fact, been targeted for some anti-social behaviour and I
still hadn’t quite untangled why that had happened or what it meant. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
At the same time, my squatter pals would ask me “Why is it a
working class association? Why not do something that includes everybody” and I
would think “Jesus- I’ve only spent the last 10 years working to sustain this
scene and the one time I look to do something for my own people- look at the
push-back I get!” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then, one night we were scoping buildings for a fundraiser squat
party. One possibility was a derelict community centre that I knew (through the
IWCA) was the subject of a local campaign for reopening. I imagined that
building after a couple of hundred ravers had been through it and my blood ran
cold. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
By that time, I was under no illusions that my chosen
lifestyle offered a solution to working class people as a whole. Suddenly, I
understood that in fact, it was parasitic upon working class communities. It
felt more and more difficult to be both a squatter crusty and an IWCA activist.
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the end, I secured a job working for the CAB rented a
room in a shared house. Around the same time, my IWCA branch was expelled-
partly for the offence of including crusty anarchists such as myself. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
From the outside you might think I saw the light and joined
mainstream society. Except that I didn’t stop squatting until I had a job that
brought in a lower middle class income. And I wouldn’t have qualified for that
job if I hadn’t been able to put 18 months into the training while living rent
free. I mourn the end of the squatting scene and the opportunities that it gave
young people like myself. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There followed a period in my life which I can only describe
as a romance with respectability. As a second generation hippy it was
refreshing to re-evaluate things I had always looked down on. The value of
holding down a job and contributing taxes. The pleasing lack of legal
complications when you actually pay for water or electricity or train fares. My
very favourite part of having a steady income is not having to bother with all
those exhausting scams I used to need for survival. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I married and had kids and brought them up in a three bed
maisonette at the respectable end of an estate. (All estates have a “respectable
end” and tenants can always tell you where it is!) I even attempted (and then gave up) that staple
of respectable working class womanhood, regular attention to housework! </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then one day a couple of friends came to visit. They are two
of the nicest, funnest, most loyal people you could imagine, but they are also very
loud and quite punky and possessed of obvious traveller accents. As they
shouted up from the street to be buzzed in, I noticed a number of neighbours taking
notice and bristling. And just like that, the affair was over. Respectability,
in its way, is as exclusive an identity as any counter culture. It relies on
having someone else to look down on. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Why am I thinking about all this right now? Well more and
more of my online life is getting taken up with radical feminism and I’m coming
across women who will very vociferously question my heterosexual marriage and
my male child. And I’m thinking “Well, hello again lifestylism” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It turns out, a strand of feminism, I was particularly drawn
to for its materialism also has its cultural wing. People who see their
lifestyle as a political expression and not just a personal choice. I tell them
that lifestylism is personally liberatory but that it doesn’t scale up to a
political movement. It places you outside and against mainstream society. It
distances you from people who would otherwise be your allies. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And yet, and yet…Hasn’t every movement attempted to build a
counter culture as well as pursuing material change? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Even the IWCA, proudly drawing on a working class identity,
were following a deliberately cultivated counter culture. Someone, long ago,
had to say “no, we will not be referring to ourselves as “Lower Class” (once
the accepted term). We will be defining ourselves by our positive contribution
to society. We are the class that works” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A counter culture gives people something that material gains
alone can’t do. And that is a way to understand themselves, which excuses them
from the mainstream narrative. Because the mainstream narrative is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">brutal. </i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Especially these days when there seems to so much hatred and
disgust of the poor. Reaching a pitch I genuinely don’t remember from my own
poor childhood in the 80’s. And don’t even get me started on the hyper
objectification of women, which also seems to have ramped up a notch. Imagine
having to understand yourself through that lens alone. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I once read a study of the health effects of poverty and low
income “bohemian” people had better outcomes than non-bohemians. And this wasn’t
only true of middle class drop-outs but also of people who had adopted “bohemianism”
as working class people. The difference was not material. It was access to a
set of alternative values that lessened the stress of poverty. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A counter culture can be literally lifesaving for those in
it. But can it be truly civic and collectivist? Under what conditions? As a second
generation working class hippy, this is a question that has rippled down to me
through the years, from the moment Abby Hoffman grew out his hair and, for
better or worse, tied the new left to the counter culture. </div>
Ellenorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00711447641271274810noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8033297080212571676.post-23162472803528782422015-09-17T06:51:00.000-07:002015-09-17T06:51:52.744-07:00Travels with my Toddler Part 1: Glasgow to Colchester via London by public transport. <span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">This trip origionally started life as a visit to see my parents in Colchester. But I soon realised that given the very long train jouneys involved, it would make sense to break the jouney in London. Which then meant catching up with London friends, which in turn meant extending the trip by a few days to fit it all in. Leaving us with this ludicrously ambitious 7 day itinary:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />Day 1: Travel to London by Virgin Pendalino- stay the night at my sisters place<br />Day 2: Natural History Museum with Dad Sis and London Pals. Take the train back to parents place in Colchester with Dad<br />Day 3: Chill out at Mum and Dads place<br />Day 4: Colchester Zoo<br />Day 5: Travel back into London, chill at sisters place<br />Day 6: Olympic Park with my sister and London pals<br />Day 7: Pendalino back to Glasgow</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />My travelling companions were a 2 and a half year Jimmy and a five week old Kirsty. <br />Just so you know, I had intended to write some observations on the galloping pace of gentrification in London and the excelloration of working class dispossession since I last vsited several years ago. <br />Once I got to the keyboard, it turned into a post about how to get children safely on and off trains. Parenthood is a bit like that. All wider interests get subsumed under the immidiate practicalities of the situation. So, embracing my inner Mummy Blogger. Here is the Eccentric Seal guide to train travel with small children. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /><b>Equipment: </b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b> </b><br />⦁ One Pushchair. A tatty early 90's model similar to this one, http://thumbs3.ebaystatic.com/d/l225/pict/151674555827_1.jpgwith the one big advantage that both the head and leg ends adjust forward and back, allowing it to be adjusted easily to accomodate either a baby or toddler. <br />⦁ One sling- The NCT Caboo, since you asked. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b><br />Hand Luggage:</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b> </b><br />⦁ 5 baby sized nappies<br />⦁ 3 toddler nappies<br />⦁ Change of clothes for the baby- one babygrow and one vest<br />⦁ wipes and cream<br />⦁ Pad of paper<br />⦁ felt pens<br />⦁ Happyland figures<br />⦁ Plastic animals<br />⦁ 3 story books<br />⦁ 1 sticker book<br />⦁ Tablet PC with games loaded<br />⦁ keys, wallet, phone, train tickets. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /><b>Rucksack containing:</b><br />⦁ 5 babygrows<br />⦁ 5 baby vests<br />⦁ 2 baby cardigans<br />⦁ 5 pairs toddler trousers<br />⦁ 5 toddler t.shirts<br />⦁ 2 toddler jumpers <br />⦁ 5 toddler socks<br />⦁ 5 adult sized t.shirts<br />⦁ 5 pairs knickers<br />⦁ one spare adult sized jumper<br />⦁ 5 pairs adult sized socks<br />⦁ more nappies (baby and toddler sizes)<br />⦁ Baby bath, shampoo, toothbrushes, toothpaste</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />And of course the clothes we left the house in- jumpers coats, shoes and hats. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />Packing was a two stage process: first a list of things needed, next the packing. Everything needed to fit into one rucksack and a handbag and there obviously wasn't going to be enough space for all the clothes needed. I did a few loads of washing at Mums place. This mostly provided us with enough clean clothes. On the last day, I had run out of clean baby clothes and had to send my sister to Primark for a packet of three more vests and three babygrows to cover us for the jouney back. <br /> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b>Walking Around</b>:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />Our basic walking around configuration was:<br />⦁ Baby in the pram, <br />⦁ handbag over the pram handles, <br />⦁ rucksack on my back and <br />⦁ toddler under orders to walk by the side, holding onto the pram. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />His childminder taught him to do this. Whenever I hear someone saying that noone can look after their baby as well as they can, I remember Jimmy, on our first trip out of the house with Kirsty, automatically reaching for the pram handle and I laugh at them. Proffessional childcare is great. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />When Jimmy was too tired to walk or too naughtey to be trusted- I was able to quickly convert the pram to buggy mode and pop him in. This meant carrying the baby in a sling on my chest, the rucksack on my back and pushing a pram at the same time. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /><b>Getting onto trains</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />On the Pendalino especially, it was very busy with limited luggage space, so everyone has to move quickly. I normally asked somone else to lift the pram (with baby) on for me, while I got on with rucksack and toddler, found a seat for the toddler and sat him down. Next put the rucksack away somewhere, pick up the baby and return to the toddler in the seat. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />Its helpful to have something to occupy the toddler with while all this is going on and this needs to be actually in your hand as you get on the train. I used a MacDonanlds Happy Meal (Or its inferior Burger King Equivilent) purchased from the station immidiately before departure. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />Its also good if you can get a seat close to the luggage rack so you can keep the toddler in sight at all times. You can specify a preference for this when you reserve seats. <br />Space on the Pendalino is really limited and unfolded prams are only permitted in the wheelchair space if not already booked by a disabled person. I was lucky enough to be able to use this space on the outward and homeward journey. I probably would have needed a second person to help fold the pram, otherwise. In general, getting on and off trains felt like a two person job. I was lucky enough to have family members drop me off and pick me up from the stations and also help out with the bags. When on my own- fellow passengers usually volunteered to help without being asked. <br />Since its impossible to keep hold of all the bags and children at once, I would probably use a money belt for valuables if I were to do this again. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /><b>Being on a train</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b> </b><br />On short journeys around London, just being on a train was entertainment enough. Especially the Docklands light railway. Sitting at the very front, pulling out of Tower Gateway with the whole urban panorama opening up around us, Jimmy was transfixed. <br />Journeys between London and Colchester were short and managable. The long journey between Glasgow and London was the one I dreaded. <br />As already mentioned- I fed the toddler immidiately on getting on board. This was enough to keep him absorbed for the first half an hour. After that,I introduced distractions one by one, in acending order of attractiveness so there was something fresh and interesting each time he started to flag. So looking out of the window first and talking about what we can see, followed by happyland figures and animals, then felt tips and books. Tablet PC last, as an extra special treat, once he was bored of everything else. <br />If all else fails, going for a walk to the buffet car and back is a good distraction, although I did need to ask other passengers to hold the baby while we did this. If you start making friendly conversation early in the journey- it doesn't feel so awkward when you have to ask this favour later on. <br />on the way back we had a tub of dinosaur figures from the Natural History Museum and those kept us occupied for a good few hours. Obviously, table seats are needed for this sort of thing. <br />The baby was in my arms the whole time, which was a bit tiring but otherwise ok. We breastfed a few times and i don't think anyone noticed. On the outward journey we had to change a nappy in a very cramped toilet, with all three of us jammed in together. That was unpleasent. On the return journey, I changed Kirsty on the flat suface of an empty luggage rack by our table in order to avoid having to do this again. I was a bit concerned other passengers would find this antisocial but, in all honesty, not concerned enough not to do it. Noone said anything and i was extremely quick about it. Later on Jimmy needed a nappy change and I had to leave Kirsty crying alone in the pram while I wreastled his clothes off him in the tiny cubical. Not ideal but needs must. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /><b>Getting Off of Trains</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b> </b><br />Connections needed to be managed like military operations. I found it useful to write down the approximate times of arrival and start preparing 10 minutes before that time. Packing down toys and books, dressing both kids ready to go in jumpers and coats undone. Slinging up the baby if necessary. Then unfolding the buggy (if needed) and placing the appropriate child inside. That generally leaves a few minutes to spare- which I spent sitting on the rucksack by the door amusing the toddler with action songs and jiggling the baby. The very last task as the train pulls into the station is to zip up coats, put hats on heads and swing the rucksack onto my back. <br />Someone pretty much always offers to help with the buggy. If the toddler was loose- I would ask my good samaritan to take the pram off first then follow behind, lifting the toddler over the gap last of all. Then its easy enough to lead the toddler to the pram and instruct him to hold on. And off we go, in familier formation! <br />Moving around between plarforms is a special kind of hell on the London Underground, especially with a buggy. I think it was Euston station that required us to evict Jimmy from the buggy so that it could be carried up and down a whole bunch of steps, with help enlisted from other passengers. It was crappy- but we got through it. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /><b>Do it again?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b> </b><br />Definately! People think I was crazy to do this 5 weeks after giving birth. But it actually turned out really well and marked a sea change in my attitude to the responsibility of two kids. Before we left I'd very much been in "new mum" mode- worried about how to cope with them. After all, theres two of them and only one of me! On our return, we were a tight little crew- that knew how to look out for each other on the move, have fun in different places and bed down together at night. It was like a team building exercise. <br />I got to feel super smug at the 6 week check up when my midwife asked if i'd been "managing to get out much", but the truth is that the hardest thing about being out and about with kids is organising yourself to leave the front door. After that- everything is easier. This is the trip I can credit with teaching me that lesson. </span>Ellenorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00711447641271274810noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8033297080212571676.post-44947379007776178822015-06-20T01:08:00.001-07:002015-06-20T01:08:30.099-07:00Wounded Leaders<span lang=""><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Way back in 2013 I wrote <a href="http://eccentricseal.blogspot.co.uk/2013/06/a-sorry-kind-of-privilege.html">this piece</a> about the feminist concept of male privilege and how it plays out for economically underprivileged men. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Now I'm wondering what happens at the other side of the class divide. How does male privilege work out there? This is something I can only observe from the outside. Sometimes through the pain of others. The particular difficulties posher friends seem to have with their fathers. Their strangely rigid and studied performance of femininity that seems somehow linked. There's a distinct "flavour" to upper and upper-middle class gender relations. One that is difficult for me to put my finger on. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When the subject came up on a gender discussion forum I speculated on historic differences in gender roles. Going back a century- working class women were expected to do hard physical work at home, while their men did hard physical work outside. Meanwhile upper class men were running industry and empire while their women were expected to do nothing at all, beyond being pleasant and looking decorative. Its a perfect recipe for misunderstanding and contempt. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Since then, I have read the excellent <a href="http://woundedleaders.co.uk/">Wounded Leaders</a> by Nick Duffell, an expert on the "<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">psychology</span> of entitlement" who works with survivors of elite boarding schools and has written about the effect on personality and mental health. You can get a flavour from <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2uRr77vju8U">this documentary</a>. Wounded Leaders builds on this work and brings it into the realm of "psychohistory", examining the reasons why the boarding school system developed and the effect it has had on British culture. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It turns out that, far from being the accidental result of material conditions (as I generally assume all cultural phenomena to be!) upper class misogyny was deliberately cultivated. It was achieved through a traumatic breaking of the bond between mother and son. The explicit intention of this was to remove any "soft" female influences from the male personality. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Although Duffell's work concentrates on the practice of sending young children away to boarding school, the process could begin even earlier. At birth even. Today, <a href="http://www.norland.co.uk/">Norland College</a> trains nannies in modern, child centred techniques. At its inception, it was intended to train out the softness and compassion with which working class servants would otherwise contaminate their charges. Wealthy mothers were under great social pressure to give their children over to these coldly professional carers, so that their children could become "great men" like their husbands. A brutalised personality is a great asset in those destined to subjugate others. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My grandmother remembers, standing with other housemaids outside the nursery door or a "great house" crying at the way the little aristocrats were treated. She was a child as well of course, and had also been removed from her mother. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Duffell's discipline of "Psychohistory" has been criticised as "the idea that child rearing methods can effect foreign policy." The irony is that upper class child rearing was actually <i>intended </i>to further foreign policy. Specifically, it was intended to produce administrators for the British Empire- the largest and most brutal empire the world has ever known. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The cultural implications continue to this day and Duffell has plenty of interest to say about them. In particular about the brand of virulent misogyny that so many of our "wounded leaders" exhibit. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The only problem is that Duffell universalises his observations. He believes that because British society is "top down," cultural attitudes "trickle down" and become generally held. He seems oblivious to any autonomous working class culture that might interfere with this process. Or to that ideas might have a different impact if removed from their original material context. Perhaps he overstates his case in order to underline the damage done by the boarding school system. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As a class- we have never set out to deliberately break the attachment between mother and child. That is a huge thing that has never happened to us. Our men have never systematically stolen motherhood from us. Or mothering from our children. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Middle class interventions sometimes attempt to devalue our authority as mothers but that's a subject for another blog post. I will only note in passing that while upper class mothers once turned to the Norland school to guard against the tendency of working class women to form attachments, the modern professional anxiety is that working class women may not form attachments readily enough. <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2012/may/25/breastfeeding-backlash-zoe-williams">Zoe Williams</a> is good on this point. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As a creature of the third wave, I've recently been trying to broaden my analysis with some good old fashioned Radical Feminism and I keep across something that feels both alien and familiar. Not so much the intellectual ideas which are rigorous and basically sound. More the emotional content.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> The descriptions of how men feel about us and what it is to be subjected to that. The sense that men do not view us as fully human, and hate us for it. The exasperation in finding such feelings to be almost universal in men. With a few unfortunate exceptions, this is not something I have noticed about the men I know. Its a pretty good description of Nick Duffell's wounded leaders, though. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm left wondering about that common criticism of 2nd wave feminism. That it was essentially a movement of the privileged, blind to the experiences of working class and black women. It is a criticism levelled, in various forms, by modern 3rd wave feminists, by contemporary black and working class feminists and, of course, by class reductionist lefty men. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What I always understood by this is that all women are taking similar crap from men, but that some women have additional pressures and need to prioritise other issues and that privileged women don't understand this. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm now wondering about those privileged women, in their privileged movement. Perhaps they weren't experiencing the same kind of crap at all. </span><br />
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</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Perhaps they were experiencing something else. Something born of extreme entitlement and class privilege as well as masculinity. Something to do with this deliberate corruption of human relationships, that the ruling class has inflicted on itself.</span> </span>Ellenorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00711447641271274810noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8033297080212571676.post-56406224725050470922014-12-10T07:43:00.000-08:002014-12-10T10:35:04.362-08:00Returning to Blogging and Being a Housewife<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Shockingly, it has been over a year since I last wrote anything for this blog. Since then a few things have happened. <br />Firstly, I am pregnant again. Secondly the middle class job I was humble-bragging about in my last post (never underestimate the element of humble-bragging in any left wing acknowledgement of privilege) has gone completely tits up. <br />With the result, that I am now, once more, a housewife. And, true to stereotype, I am returning to Mummy-Blogging. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />So far today, I have got up with my 2 and a half year old, gone to toddler group, come home again and put him down for a nap. Now I am pissing about on some feminist facebook pages and writing a blog post. This is my life now. It is the kind of gentle existence that is just perfect for someone still licking her wounds after failing disastrously to hold down a job. I fully expect it to be stultifying boring in about 6 months’ time. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />So, just to break the blogging inertia, here are some observations on my current situation. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />Firstly I get to call myself a housewife, or a Stay at Home Mum or a Full Time Parent instead of just a plain old unemployed person; which is a handy way to distance myself from the failure of unemployment. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Being able to do this is a function of both privilege and oppression. Middle class women are pretty much the only group in society who have both the means and the social sanction to have any kind of work-life balance. This is not insignificant. Everyone should have the opportunity to have both satisfying work and a loving family life. The opportunity to take a couple of months or years out of the workplace, with the expectation of being able to return to employment later- is defiantly something I value. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">On the other hand- it’s also something of a trap. It is offered up on the assumption that we are not properly serious about having a place in the world (outside of the home) and it comes with the risk of long term loss of financial opportunity. <br />A couple of people have attempted to cheer me up about the horrible tits up work situation by suggesting that it shouldn’t matter to me as I’m “having a baby soon.” This is not comforting. It feels like being sentenced to something. <br /><br />Secondly- our of all the nicer sounding job titles that aren't "unemployed" and describe someone doing what Marxists call the "social reproduction of capital", I prefer "housewife." In fact I am going to reclaim "housewife." I realise "Stay at Home Parent" is the more fashionable term and might seem to give the role more dignity and importance- but I see this as a mental trap and here's why. <br /><br />In 1950's America there was a consumer boom and a lot of new products became available. Things like washing machines, fridges, vacuum cleaners and so on. For families able to afford these things- housework became less time consuming and labour intensive. There ought to have been less reason for middle class women to be housewives. <br /><br />Instead of sheer pressure of workload however, middle class women were kept in the home by the social ideal of being a "homemaker." Someone who would not only do housework but would do it to a high standard, whose home would be immaculate, who would sew, bake, jam-make, mix cocktails, throw fantastic dinner parties and look great. <br /><br />The idea of being a "homemaker" was superficially attractive, because it appeared to place a value on women's work. There was even an idea of "domestic science" or "home economics" which made housework seem like an important technical specialism. With the benefit of hindsight- we can see that it was a way of moving the goal posts. The effort needed to achieve a basic level of comfort and hygiene might have been drastically reduced- but a social expectation of ever higher standards emerged to keep women busy in the home. <br /><br />Its fashionable now, to look back at those social values and have a laugh. Although "traditional" homemaking skills are making a comeback- we are not short of voices ready to critique the likes of Kath Kidson and Kirstie Allsop as kitchy purveyors of throw back anti feminism. <br /><br />"Stay at Home Parenting" is just the same thing in different packaging. Superficially, it looks like an attractive label- one you could embrace: "Here I am- caring for my children- the most important job in the world." One thing I find endlessly fascinating on Mumsnet, is the wide variety of opinions on who should do what around the house. It was on Mumsnet that first came across the idea that the "stay at home parent" is responsible for parenting only. Housework should be shared equally. I was surprised by this and remember thinking what a progressive idea it was. <br /><br />Except that, like "homemaking," caring for children has expanded to fill all the time and space available. Those same progressive "Stay at Home Parents" who only do half the housework (1) now think it is necessary to troll around a dozen toddler "activities," supervise improving craft projects on the kitchen table and puree their own bloody parsnips. </span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">This is a genuine quote from Mumsnet, regarding a three year old child: "But everyone teaches their children the letters and numbers.That's just normal good parenting surely." </span></blockquote>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I love that comment because theres so much in it. It speaks to the narrowness of the posters hoizons ("everyone" certainly does not teach their three year old's letters and numbers) but also to the high expectations that middle class women place on themselves (what constitutes "normal good parenting") and even hints at the labour involved in living up to that ideal. I can just imagine her saying: "oh look darling, some leaves- shall we count them?"<br /><br />All this is a completely new invention. One little factoid that's always stuck with me: The amount of time spent by a modern working mother and a 1950's housewife, on focused one to one attention to their children has been shown to be exactly the same. <br /><br />Zoe Williams is one commentator who has always seen through the prescriptiveness of the modern middle class parenting ideal. Her new book, The Madness of Modern Parenting, is firmly on my Christmas list and I look forward to devouring it on boxing day with a hot chocolate and a dozen mince pies. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />I particularly love her <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/books/2014/dec/06/zoe-williams-the-madness-of-modern-parenting">recent article in the Guardian</a>, which touches on the implications for working class mothers, who find this questionable ideal imposed upon them by well meaning professionals. <br /><br />Zoe is absolutely right to question the complete failure in public health to separate out causation from correlation. So much of a child's life chances are explained by structural class inequalities. Trying to make working class mums parent more like middle class mums does nothing but transfer responsibility for inequality onto working class women.<br /><br />It also risks undervaluing the working class approach, where there are differences in parenting style between classes. <br />At the very working class playgroup I attend- I get compliments from the other mums about how well my son "plays away." At the more middle class soft play centre I get evils for "not supervising" him. Common sense tells me that the working class mums are right on this one. Self sufficiency is a life skill, of course my son should learn it. At present, acquisition of this skill is undervalued. There are courses at the YWCA to teach mothers how to do interactive play with their children. There are no courses that teach helicopter parents how to back the fuck off. <br /><br />This is why I will never describe myself as a "Stay at Home Parent." It is a label that implies the absolute centrality of the child, reduces what should be a relationship with another human being into a prescriptive and labour intensive profession and is reflective of an ideal which is detrimental to women. And possibly to children as well.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />Being a housewife is a problematic social role. It is sub ideal in many ways. But its not going to get any less problematic by dressing it up in language that appears to validate but in fact obscures. <br />At least "housewife" encompasses the entirety of the job. It is what it is- cooking, cleaning, emptying the washing machine and all. <br /><br />And, for all that I denigrate the "homemaker" ideal- some level of housework is important. For the task of parenting even (if this is going to be our central mission). It is part of what needs to be done, to provide an environment which is safe, relatively hygienic and in which things (meals, clean clothes, bath times) happen in a reliable and predictable manner. <br />Social Services can actually take your children away from people who are not able to meet these basic standards, regardless of whether they also make their own play dough or their kids know all their colours and shapes. So, you know, hardly unimportant stuff. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />So Housewife it is then. Housewife and Mummy Blogger. God help me. </span>Ellenorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00711447641271274810noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8033297080212571676.post-18223757270647056282013-12-29T06:45:00.001-08:002013-12-29T06:53:02.908-08:00How to get away with being a crap parent <div class="MsoNormal">
This is how my profile on the Mumsnet bloggers network
reads: <o:p></o:p></div>
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“A working class, socialist mum living in Glasgow writes
about her life and draws wider political conclusions where she can.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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It is not true and I should change it. I am from a working
class background, true. But I have not actually been working class for, oh, two
whole jobs now. <o:p></o:p></div>
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My moving into the (lower) middle class is pretty much a
consequence of moving to Glasgow. Nick persuaded me to do this back when we
were in our one room flat in London. We could no more afford a two room flat
than we could figure out where to keep a baby in one room. <o:p></o:p></div>
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So we came up here, as I like to euphemistically to put it- “for the house
prices” <o:p></o:p></div>
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Once here, however, some other things happened: <o:p></o:p></div>
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Whereas jobs for welfare rights workers were being cut left
right and centre in England, the Scottish government is actually funding more
of them. <o:p></o:p></div>
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This allows the SNP to demonstrate their commitment to alleviating
the Westminster Coalition policies and also to utilise the statistics we
produce to demonstrate just how bad those policies really are. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Add in some post- colonial sociology and the unearned advantage
this still gives someone with an English accent and my career has pretty much
sky rocketed. <o:p></o:p></div>
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You should be noticing at this point, how a policy ostensibly
designed to help the very poor, is primarily benefiting me, the relatively privileged.
This is actually how it usually happens. Welcome to the poverty sector.*<o:p></o:p><br />
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So now that I have some unearned privilege worth wringing my
hands over I am going to indulge in that staple of social justice blogging and
write a post about how that affects my life. Specifically I am going to write
about how my unearned privilege allows me to get away with being a slightly
crap parent. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I am able to get away with being a slightly crap parent in
two ways: <o:p></o:p></div>
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First off, on a practical level it is harder to fuck up. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I routinely overspend on stuff like work lunches, take away
cups of tea and newspapers. My child does not go hungry as a result. <o:p></o:p></div>
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This is a huge contrast to how I was brought up, where every
single expense was carefully calibrated and the need to buy a new pair of shoes
was a crisis comparable to what a massive boiler explosion would be to me now. I
can remember how my mother used to talk about other people making just the kind
of lazy purchases I so routinely make. “Food
from their children’s mouths” <o:p></o:p></div>
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Even when I’m not making mistakes, I can afford to make
things easier for myself. I buy these little individually wrapped pieces of
cheese, which pound for pound must be the most expensive possible way of buying
cheese. I buy little mini yogurts, breadsticks and microwave toddler lunches.
I do this so that I can just pull stuff out of the fridge and give it to Jimmy without
having to plan ahead. I am buying the ability to be crap. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Jimmy does not eat well. Not compared to myself at his age
and not compared to many lower income children I know. Their parents cannot
afford to be crap. And so they are not.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I like to reflect
that while he may not be eating healthy food- at least I am imparting a healthy
attitude<i> towards </i>food. This is
because I can afford not to care if he chucks his diner onto the floor. I just
pull some other overpriced convenience food out of the fridge and offer an
alternative. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
Same with days out: I
just take him places, Soft play, petting zoo, drive to the country side. We do
it on a whim and it saves me thinking too hard about how to amuse him. Buying
my way out of being crap.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So, given how bloody easy it is to provide a decent standard
of living when you have a bit of money. And how even when you make mistakes,
your child doesn't necessarily suffer for them, because you can buy your
way out of that. Given all that, you would expect middle class parents to face
really harsh criticism when they do fuck up, wouldn’t you? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You’d be wrong. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I know this because, when Jimmy was little, I was the
subject of a social services investigation, which I blogged about extensively
here. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For the time the investigation was on going, and for a
little while afterwards, I was in the position of presenting at services as a
low income parent, from a deprived area, who was a client of social services.
So I got to see a little bit about what that means in terms of how people treat
you. And therefore I can compare with how people treat me now. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I remember, very clearly, going for Jimmy’s 6 week check-up
and having the doctor talk to me at length about developmentally delays <i>before </i>she had run the checks. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She also asked me if I “could manage to clothe him” Jimmy
was wearing a baby grow with no vest, because he had just been weighed naked
and I had dressed him hastily for the journey from one well heated room to
another. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I pretended not to understand the implications of the
question and prattled on about his low birth weight and how, yes, it could be a
problem to find things small enough in the shops. All with a big friendly
smile. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The I went home and cried and cried over the thought that
anyone could take him from me. And agonised about why I hadn't thought to
explain myself better. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Several months later, we went to a baby weaning event and I dressed
him to the absolute nines; Then looked around the church hall to see that
everyone else had done the same. One little girl had Barbie pink skinny jeans
and a matching dummy. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Well we have slipped considerably since then and it is now
perfectly normal for Jimmy to cut about covered in yoghurt and snot, wearing odd
socks. Has anyone commented? No, they have not. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Things are easier for me and yet I still get a free pass. That’s
privilege in a nutshell. <o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
*An even starker example: In my last job we ran into some
difficulty in obtaining medical evidence form our clients GP’s. The GP’s
representative body had advised them to stop providing evidence for appeals, because
of a massively increase in the number of requests, caused, in turn, by the massively
increased number of horrifically unfair benefit decisions. There was a special
government fund available to mitigate the effects of welfare cuts and my
employers were considering making a claim to this fund in order to obtain money
to pay the GP’s to produce the evidence we needed to fight the appeals. This
would have meant that money supposedly set aside to help the very poorest, being
diverted to GPs who have a basic starting salary of £54,319 pa.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /><o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
Ellenorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00711447641271274810noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8033297080212571676.post-35468950949408872322013-08-17T23:45:00.003-07:002013-08-18T00:02:58.878-07:00Weekend Mum <div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Maternity leave is over. Five
mornings out of seven, I get up at six, feed Jimmy his milk and banana, wash
and dress while he’s still eating and leave, shutting the door behind me; by
7.30 at the latest. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">I don’t think about him at
work. I even try not to think about work when I’m with him. I just concentrate
on doing one thing at a time, to the best of my ability. It’s easy because I enjoy almost everything I
do. I live a good life. A man’s life really. I shut the door behind me and go
off to argue with tribunal judges, write training materials on the bedroom tax,
talk to other adults and eat lunch while reading the paper. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I enjoy the security and
pleasure of a family life without any cost to my career or my sense of self. </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">I reckon if I was a stay at
home mum, I’d want a husband like me. One, who helps in the mornings, gets home
for the bedtime routine and still does a hand’s turn around the kitchen. Nick </span></span><span style="line-height: 18px;">doesn't</span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"> always agree. There are certain things around the house that neither of
us has taken responsibility for. It’s not clear whose job they are and they
cause little arguments and resentment every time they need doing. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">I contemplate career
progression and speculate aloud about going for promotion. Not yet of course, some
time far in the future, when Jimmy’s at secondary school and </span></span><span style="line-height: 18px;">doesn't</span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"> need me
about so much.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Nick is amazed at this. “No
Man would think like that” he says and I consider things from another angle.
I’m the bread winner now. Perhaps that’s a responsibility worth taking
seriously as well.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">2 days out of 5, I play fun
weekend mum. I take Jimmy to soft play, to the library, to the swimming pool.
We sit in little Italian cafes so he can eat pieces of penne off my saucer and
charm the waiters into tolerating our mess. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">“Is he old enough for the
zoo yet?” I wonder aloud and Nick says “No, not quite. Perhaps in another 6
months” I don’t know these things anymore. I have to ask. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Jimmy’s eyes light up when
he sees Nick enter the room and he does that delighted little baby squeak. Nick
holds him close and I see how easy they are with each other now. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">“I love to see you two
together like that” I tell Nick; “It’s a real reassurance to me to know, he’s
being cared for so well, while I’m away at work” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Apparently this is also something
a man would never say, which surprises me. As a good Marxist, I always assume
material conditions determine consciousness. Living this husband’s life- I
imagined my concerns would be similar to any of the fathers at my work. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">“Oh no, Men don’t have that
sense of responsibility. We see children as competition if anything.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">My husband is not <a href="http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2013/08/12/porn-professor-hugo-schwyzer-comes-clean-about-his-twitter-meltdown-and-life-as-a-fraud.html">one of those men</a> who would describe themselves as a feminist.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">He’s something better than
that. A man who is willing to let me in on what men are really like- instead of always trying to convince me of how different he is from the others. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">I know what he says is true.
How else to account for the increased risk of domestic violence when women are
pregnant or have recently given birth? It would be a mistake to assume violent
men are the aberrations. Every heterosexual relationship plays out in the
shadow of those same power relations. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">On some deep level I have
known this already. That deep pleasure I feel when I see them getting on
together. I can name it. It is relief. </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
Ellenorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00711447641271274810noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8033297080212571676.post-12393016832421361522013-07-06T00:30:00.000-07:002013-08-17T23:46:13.056-07:00Happy Breastfeeding Awareness Week! <div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">23<sup>rd</sup> to 27<sup>th</sup> of June was apparently
breastfeeding awareness week. This is the kind of information you become party
to in the Mumsnet Bloggers Network. Some bloggers have used this as an
opportunity to post about their own breastfeeding experiences- so I thought I’d
have a go. A little late, but still….<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Jimmy was born by cesarean section: a little scrap of life,
just 4lb 2oz, whisked away from me before I could hold him. I was bouncing off
the walls from morphine, and shaky from some really dramatic blood loss when I
was asked for permission for the nurses to “just give him his first feed” of
formula. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This I happily did, taking the “just” at face value. It wasn't like that of course and Jimmy ended up spending a full 10 days on
SCBU (Special Care Baby Unit). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He wasn’t even drinking formula in the end. He was so little that any kind of sustenance made
his blood sugar jump about like a metronome in an earthquake. They fed him
glucose through a drip in his arm. He was like a little humming bird. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Visiting your own baby in SCBU is awkward. It’s your child
and you have the right to be there, of course. But you’re also hanging around someone
else’s workplace. You are allowed to help care for him, but it feels a little
like playing with dollies. Your presence is not exactly necessary.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">On the other hand- being apart from your baby feels mildly
but unmistakably <i>wrong. </i>The mildness
decreasing with the amount of time spent away. For 10 days, I had the choice
between sitting in a rather boring, overheated room feeling socially awkward; or
sitting in the comfort of my own home feeling <i>wrong. <o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">On top of that the social
services investigation was still on-going so I felt like my visits were being
scrutinised. In retrospect they almost certainly were. I found myself doing things like unnecessarily
bringing in little blankets from home, despite the perfectly adequate bedding
he was already wrapped in- purely because bringing in blankets felt like something
a loving mother might be expected to do. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So, Jimmy took glucose through his drip. Then he took milk
through a tube in nose. Then finally milk by mouth. The milk by mouth bit was
important because it was a condition of him being able to leave hospital. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There was a period where there was nothing medically wrong
with him; he even known to be capable of sucking, because he’d been given a
bottle for a night feed once. But he wasn't allowed to come home because I’d said I wanted to breastfeed, and he hadn't done that yet. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He wasn't going to either- the way things were going. Jimmy’s
feeds were scheduled for once every 4 hours. I was managing to make maybe 2 or
3 of them per day. I would hold him up to the breast and he would look up at me
sweetly and… do nothing. He’d never been hungry in his life and I think sucking
simply didn't occur to him. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We would just sit there together until the nurses got bored
of it and then Jimmy would have a feed through his tube and then I would put
him down. I knew we were never going to get started with these few, regulated
minutes of practice per day. But I was never going to get him home until we’d
got started. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Now- I’m a person who’s cautious with her optimism. I like
contingency plans. I like to scope out the worst option ahead of time and make
my peace with it. So I’d already decided that if I couldn't manage to breast
feed, i wouldn't let it bother me. In my opinion, people got altogether too invested
in this kind of thing. They placed too much pressure on themselves and then
allowed their own expectations to spoil their happiness. I wouldn't be making
the same mistake. If it worked out for me, fine. If not- I’d move on. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And this was not working out. It’s instinctual to want to be
with your child. Everything in my being was telling me that he needed to be
with me. Far, far more than he needed vitamins or immunity from diseases, or
hormones or any of the other undoubted benefits of breast milk; he needed just
to be with me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And yet, and yet… <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As I faced up to jettisoning the breastfeeding, I did worry.
I wrung my hands over it. I even ended up phoning a very uninterested, childless
friend for advice:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“You want to give your baby a bottle?” He asked nonplussed “What’s
in the bottle? Is it Buckfast?” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Pro tip: Childless friends are great for perspective.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In the end, it didn't come to that. My ceaseless lobbying
for a place in Transitional Care finally won out. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Despite professional concerns that I would “Go
mad with post puerperal psychosis” if I were placed there “too early,” I was finally
given a private room where I could just hang out with my baby in peace and take
15 minutes fiddling about with the latch if we needed to. Which we frequently
did. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We were there for a weekend and it turned out to be the most
idyllic two days of my life. Jimmy fed like a trouper, and then slept happily. I
read books and phoned friends and wrote discussion pieces on the acrimonious breakup
of a far left group I was involved with at the time.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I had a huge sunny window
and a comfy hospital bed and my baby sleeping beside me, smelling of sweetness
and peace. I did not develop post puerperal
psychosis. I was more deeply contented than I’ve ever been. Perhaps since I was
a baby myself. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Jimmy is coming up to a year old now. He eats macaroni and
bread crusts and cheese and chocolate cake. I've moved him onto formula during
the day so I can return to work, but he still enjoys a good feed of breast milk
first thing in the morning and last thing at night. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So my breastfeeding experience is a happy one and it all
worked out. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But for me, breastfeeding was also, as I suspect it is for a lot of
people; a quick and dirty lesson in compromise. In the necessity of doing, not
the “best” thing for your child; but the best thing in the circumstances. The
death of that exacting pressure we are encouraged to place on ourselves.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And for that, I am also grateful. </span><o:p></o:p></div>
Ellenorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00711447641271274810noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8033297080212571676.post-15323110657405774312013-06-23T01:41:00.000-07:002013-06-23T02:33:35.985-07:00A Sorry Kind of Privilege<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There's a description in Carol Craig’s excellent book: <a href="http://www.amazon.co.uk/Tears-that-Made-Clyde/dp/1906134472">The Tears that made the Clyde</a> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">of women and children hanging around the gates of factories
and shipyards, or outside pubs. It was pay day and they were hoping to run into
their men folk and shame them into giving them something from their pay to run
the household, before everything was drunk away. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">At the time, it was common, accepted practice, for the man
take all the money and spend it on his own pleasures. So much so, that trade
unionists, recognising alcoholism as a problem, had a campaign to persuade
landlords to refuse service once half of a man’s pay had been drunk. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In other words, the most progressive, left wing men around
at that time thought that it was reasonable for one member of a household, to
spend half of the entire money for a family, for one week, on himself, in a
single night. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I read this, with a short lived sense of relief at how far
we had come. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Short lived until I noticed the number of adult men coming
into the advice centre, where I then worked, with raging substance issues and
cheerfully tell me about the financial help they were getting from aged
parents, from girlfriends, from ex partners even. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And all those worried looking elderly women with their
extravagant debts and frugal lifestyles. A junkie son is like a forest fire. It’s
incredible how fast he can burn through everything you can build up over a
lifetime. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I had a colleague who used to romanticise this sort of
behaviour. “Its amazing how families stick by each other and help each other
out isn’t it?” When I pointed out this solidarity only ever seemed to flow one
way, she said “Well that’s just the way of the world isn’t it? You’ll never
change that.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I noticed all this and I saw we have come nowhere really.
Its only the unemployed mans version of the same behaviour. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There is a concept in intersectional Feminism of <a href="http://blog.twowholecakes.com/2009/10/101-redefining-privilege/">privilege</a>. As in, for example, Male Privilege.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> It can be a difficult one to explain. Perhaps it’s the
wrong word for the concept. How can you call someone privileged when they are
poor, unemployed, addicted, and miserable? </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Well, I think I understand now how male privilege plays out in
the underprivileged man. Those men, they just came into the advice centre with
a different attitude to the women. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I’ve only ever seen women agonise over whether they really <i>deserve </i>a benefit, when considering appealing
a decision. Its only women who needed to be talked into claiming Disability
Living Allowance because, after all, they’re “managing” on Income Support. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And by the same token, its only men who have suggested that
they don’t need to provide any of the information I've asked for because they've “already given you my national insurance number so you should have sorted it
out” or who have chosen to use their appointments, not to discuss their cases
but to attempt to trip me up and score points against me.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It’s that universal male attitude of entitlement. And rage,
of course, that their entitlement had been taken from them. Except that the
things they feel entitled to are so pitiably small: a scatter flat, their
£71.70 per week, a methadone scrip. The bare bones of a life really. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This was the settlement of the 1980’s after all. We take
away your pits and shipyards and docks and in return you we leave you with the
bru. Except now the Torys are back to snatch away even that consolation prize and
benefits that could once be counted on, now have to be jumped through hoops for
and justified and fought for. Why shouldn’t
anyone feel entitled, why shouldn’t they feel angry? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Except that's not all they feel entitled to. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Not
really. It’s not just the material things. It’s the full attention, sympathy
and efforts of women. Those niggly little power struggles were just a tiny
taste of what the women in their lives must put up with.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Because the assumption is that the women will make up the
difference isn’t it? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Will find the money, will take out that bank loan, will
stroke that ego, and will pity you when self pity is not enough. Emotionally
porous; will be available to absorb the ugly emotions of shame, defeat and
rage. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">That is male privilege. That is how it plays itself out in
the under privileged man. And again privilege seems to be the wrong word-
because what are they getting out of it, except the avoidance of personal
responsibility, which is surely not in anyone’s long term interest. A sorry
sort of privilege indeed. </span><o:p></o:p></div>
Ellenorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00711447641271274810noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8033297080212571676.post-2704715767384831052013-04-20T03:06:00.000-07:002013-04-20T03:06:39.413-07:00Fucking Off the Baby Circuit<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When I was pregnant I went along to NCT classes and got to
know a small group of very nervous, very middle class people with whom I had
nothing in common, except the fact that we were all having babies at about the
same time. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There was an effort to all stay in touch afterwards, for
mutual support I suppose. So once the babies were born and the menfolk were
back at work, we women began to meet up once a week. Typically we would attend
some god awful baby themed event, (which the babies were indifferent towards at
best) followed by a few hours of fascinating baby comparison and analysis in
someone’s extremely tasteful living room. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I didn’t last long. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There were a few reasons for this <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">First, they all seemed to live places completely inaccessible
by public transport. Second, I find babies
on mass are slightly unnerving and sinister (the dozens of baby eyes peering
out of the dark at baby cinema will live with me for a long time!) Third: Even
in the short time it took me to bail, things had begun to get a little
competitive. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This was most obvious in the hospitality. The last thing I
went to: our hostess provided an expensively constructed Jamie Oliver salad;
with an air of studied casualness air as if to imply this is how she eats all
the time. The time before that, we’d been treated to nibbles, salad and homemade
quiche (by someone who’d given birth 2 weeks before!) I contributed a box of
Greggs Do-nuts. They ended the day untouched. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But it was also starting to seep into the baby talk. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I could understand it, really I could. These people were new
at being mothers, they were keen but they were also scared. They wanted to do
everything <i>right. </i>They couldn’t let themselves
off the hook for a minute. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There can be a terror to motherhood. The natural desire to
protect, set alongside the unpredictability of fate, mixed with exacting and
contradictory social expectations. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I went the other way and affected nonchalance. I told myself
I wouldn't mind if I couldn't breast feed or if I didn't bond right away. I aimed
deliberately low- aspiring to <i>adequate</i>
parenting and expecting that to be hard enough. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But deep down I was no more together than they were. The same anxiety
was waiting for me. Too much time around it would drag me down there with them.
And this, more than anything else is the true reason why I backed away. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Instead of trying to fit in with the mum crowd, I hung out with
my existing friends, carried on with my normal life and took my baby to a lot
of places babies aren't meant to go. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So Jimmy went to conferences and meetings. He went to the
pub and stayed for the lock in. He got passed about in radical book shops and restaurants.
He travelled up mountains tucked inside my raincoat and across the country sleeping
in my suitcase at night. He developed an almost adult sleeping pattern, midnight
to 9.00 am, unhindered by any “bedtime routine” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And everyone said how relaxed I was everything and how little
motherhood had changed me. It was a funny kind of non-compliment if you think
about it, because in fact being a mother is incredibly important to me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And then one day, it wasn’t enough. We went to a meeting and
he <a href="http://eccentricseal.blogspot.co.uk/2013/04/babies-in-meetings.html">couldn't sit quietly</a>. He began to crawl and started to crack his head against
all those chair and table legs that I hadn’t really noticed before but which,
in our small living room, are <i>everywhere</i>.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It was time for baby
activities. So a few days ago, we went
out to <a href="http://www.jungleinthecity.co.uk/">Jungle in the City</a>, Partick’s fantastic soft play centre, where he could
crawl off in any direction and I could have a cup of tea and a ham sandwich in
peace. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-odnl2O5DezY/UXJnzRTzzhI/AAAAAAAAABo/Cro05VqpKxU/s1600/jIC.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="173" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-odnl2O5DezY/UXJnzRTzzhI/AAAAAAAAABo/Cro05VqpKxU/s320/jIC.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The baby ball pit at Jungle in the City. This is a lot of fun. </span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">While we were there, I got chatting to another Mum with a
baby of the same age. She’d recently moved into the area and was looking for
places to take her baby. Reaching back
to the last time I thought of such things, I remembered that you could get a
list of baby groups from the GP’s surgery. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">She was way ahead of me. Her baby already went to Baby massage,
sensory play, soft play, bounce and rhyme, swimming. The list goes on. Apparently
you “have” to take them to something every day to make sure they get enough
stimulation. Oh, and change their toys every two weeks so they don’t get bored.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I looked down at Jimmy, who appeared to be meeting his
milestones unassisted by this level of organisation or attention to detail. (Almost
as though evolution had primed him to do so) <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I looked back at the earnest face before me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I did what <a href="http://www.mumsnet.com/">Mumsnet</a> has taught me is the only correct response. Nod and smile. Smile and nod. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“My God” I thought, “here we are again. The baby circuit.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And even though I have need of it now, and I can acknowledge
that: I was so, so grateful to be dealing with it now, with 9 months experience
behind me. Not back then: When we were
both so vulnerable and new. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And it was in that moment, that I knew for certain: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Fucking off the Baby Circuit was my best goddam parenting
decision so far. </span><o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
Ellenorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00711447641271274810noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8033297080212571676.post-310389216070612742013-04-05T07:54:00.002-07:002013-04-05T07:55:40.579-07:00Babies in Meetings<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">People who know me may remember the times when I used to
bring my baby to meetings with me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The seal pup has been to anarchist bookfairs, conferences on
Scottish independence, planning meetings, public meetings, meetings to wind up
failing leftist sects, meetings to decide the content of workshops, meetings to
deliver the content of workshops. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I’ve even taken him to day long meetings in which I have discussed
social reproduction, in the abstract and at length, while demonstrating the
reality of said social reproduction even as I spoke, positioning him on a
breast or jigging him about on a hip.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And through all these meeting, baby has smiled and amused himself
quietly with linky toys and slept peacefully in my arms and everyone has said “What
a good baby” and I have been smug and complacent and thought how easy it is to
combine motherhood with activism. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Well, that's all gone now. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Baby still loves meetings. He’s always happy to be taken to
a meeting. It’s just that now he’s able to fully express his enthusiasm better
by “joining in” with a lot of high pitched squeak’s and bashing his of his toys
on the table. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">People are fair put off their Trotskyist bickering. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The only reason we got away with his last appearance is that
so many people present have been accused of misogyny and institutional sexism
that no one was really in a position to raise an objection. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Some people have suggested I continue to take him, in order
to demonstrate the need for organised childcare but I don’t think I quite have
the front for it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So, no more meetings for Jimmy until he learns to put up his
hand and speak through the chair. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I’ll leave you with a picture of another baby, behaving
impeccably at a meeting of the European Parliament in Strasbourg. How has MEPLicia
Ronzulli managed it? It must be some sneaky right wing trick</span>. </div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-56M8F2hkmNY/UV7lkVfHNiI/AAAAAAAAABY/2KdzgIG2yK0/s1600/baby+in+strasbourg.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-56M8F2hkmNY/UV7lkVfHNiI/AAAAAAAAABY/2KdzgIG2yK0/s320/baby+in+strasbourg.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<o:p></o:p><br />Ellenorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00711447641271274810noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8033297080212571676.post-39166844746573911762013-04-02T06:33:00.000-07:002013-04-02T06:34:07.925-07:00Thoughts on the Bedroom Tax<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am sitting in the
community centre on my estate, attending a meeting on the Bedroom Tax. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">25 people
have turned out. Not too bad for a weekday evening, but then these are worried
people. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A lot of them are looking at a 14% increase in on their rent. That’s £11,
maybe £15 depending on the property. (1)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The bedroom only affects people on benefits. So everyone
here is on the breadline anyway. There is no way anyone here has a spare £11
per week. This is food from their children’s mouths. Or from the electricity, which everyone pays
by key meter and is off half the time already. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I’m here as a benefits advisor, in case any legal questions
come up. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The idea is that maybe I can answer them. And I can, but only to crush
any residual hope that might be remaining. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There are very few loopholes in this one. From now on Housing Benefit will only cover one
room for each couple, an extra room for any single adult and one room between
every two kids.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There’s a little bit of wiggle room for bereavement and a get
out for foster parents, families of serving service people and (after a legal
challenge by the Child Poverty Action Group) families with severely disabled children. But that’s it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The bedroom tax is not completely new. Tenants in the
private sector have had to deal with reductions in their housing benefit for “extra
rooms” for a long time. But that only
ever applied to new tenancies. People could plan ahead and avoid moving into
houses that were too big under the rules. This is a massive cut to loads of
peoples benefit, all in one go. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So, what to do if you find yourself with an “extra” bedroom?
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You could try to transfer to a smaller place. Except there aren't many. Council housing was built as family homes, for stable communities, back
when governments cared about such things.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Apply for a Discretionary Housing Payment? There’s a fund,
but its small and thousands of others will be applying too.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Move to private
rented accommodation? In Glasgow the private sector is tiny and run by criminals,
who; by the way, will be loving this. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Get a job to cover the shortfall? Yeah Right! 30% of
Glasgow’s working age population are currently out of work (2) and most jobs
available are casual or part time or both.
Any money you did earn would be deducted from your benefits in any case.
(3)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There’s only one possible conclusion, I can draw: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“The only answer to this is collective action” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It’s not lefty rhetoric, this time. There’s genuinely no
other way through this. We really do have our backs against the wall. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I’ve recently read the Chartered Institute of Housing (CIH) guidelines
to Housing Associations and Local Authorities. (4) It’s interesting to pull
back and see it from the landlord’s perspective. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Imagine for a minute that you the Chief Executive of a Council.
(5)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You have a whole load of housing at your disposal. You rent it out. Some
tenants don’t have enough money to pay the rent. They claim housing Benefit and
you recover the money from central government. You rely on this money to
maintain the buildings and to provide services in your area. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So now central government has stopped paying the full cost
of the rent and it’s effectively a cut to your council. Another cut. On top of the cuts you've had
already. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And the government is telling you to make up the difference
by taking money from the grocery budget of the very poorest people in the
area?! It’s as crazy as it is vicious. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Look at it that way and it not just about immiserating
benefits claimants. It’s also about destroying council housing and messing up
council services. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So what to do? </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The CIH recommends “a programme of home
visits for face to face conversations with tenants.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Many people in my area have already experienced this. Some stranger, coming to their door and
picking through their household budget, trying to find some little thing they
could cut back on. Just try and imagine the humiliation of that for a minute? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But it blood out of a stone. The money isn’t there. So what
to do instead? Evict 31% (6) of your tenants, and then process them all through
the homeless persons unit? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">No council or housing association can evict everyone who can’t
or won’t pay and this is exactly why the bedroom tax can be defeated. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We go to the Anti- Bedroom Tax demo in town, me my husband
and our baby boy. Someone’s brought along a piece of my own childhood. A banner
reading “Paisley Anti Poll Tax Union” They must have kept it safe in a cupboard
all these years. A timely reminder of
what can be achieved if we all stick together. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We drive home from the demo and I’m thinking about the
future as we pull into the estate. Some 930 households here are facing the
bedroom tax. (7) Not me though. As a homeowner it’s not my problem. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Except; of course, that it is. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This is a lovely estate. The children play out in the street.
At Halloween, we got through three boxes of mini cupcakes, with all the kids
coming to our door. Nice polite kids in handmade costumes. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Some with their mothers, but most allowed out on their own.
A world away from the intimidating atmosphere of my neighbourhood as a child.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I want my son to grow up here, among these people; to play
out safely in the streets and to dress up and collect sweeties from the
neighbours on Halloween. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I don’t want to see those same neighbours, harassed or
evicted out of the neighbourhood. A stable community like this is one of the under-appreciated
benefits of a fair society. And its benefit for everyone; not just the poorest.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It simply wouldn't survive the forced migration that the bedroom
tax is intended to impose. Its for this reason, more than any other that I oppose
the bedroom tax. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I hope this article has given you some sense of why you should
too. </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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</div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->(<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">1)<span style="font-size: 7pt;">
</span><!--[endif]-->This is the figure for my estate. The national
average is actually higher, £14 (from the National Housing Federation)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">(2)<span style="font-size: 7pt;">
</span><!--[endif]--> (<a href="http://www.understandingglasgow.com/indicators/economic_participation/overview">http://www.understandingglasgow.com/indicators/economic_participation/overview</a>) <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">(3)<span style="font-size: 7pt;"> </span>Universal Credit (which replaces most other
means tested benefits from October) actually has fairly generous income
disregards. So after October raising the additional money might be more of an
option for <i>some</i> people. Unfortunately
Bedroom tax begins in April, allowing 6 months in which to accrue some really
crippling rent arrears. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">(4)<span style="font-size: 7pt;"> </span><a href="http://www.cih.co.uk/resources/PDF/Scotland%20Policy%20Pdfs/Bedroom%20Tax/CIH_Bedroomtax_e.pdf">http://www.cih.co.uk/resources/PDF/Scotland%20Policy%20Pdfs/Bedroom%20Tax/CIH_Bedroomtax_e.pdf</a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">(5)<span style="font-size: 7pt;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Actually, in Glasgow, all council housing has
been semi privatised and farmed out to housing associations. I’m just using a
council landlord as an example, to simplify the argument. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">(6)<span style="font-size: 7pt;">
</span><!--[endif]--><a href="http://www.housing.org.uk/policy/welfare_reform/%E2%80%98under-occupation%E2%80%99_penalty.aspx">http://www.housing.org.uk/policy/welfare_reform/%E2%80%98under-occupation%E2%80%99_penalty.aspx</a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">(7)<span style="font-size: 7pt;"> </span>I've estimated this, based on national figures and the size of the estate. Estimated based on national figures.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<br />Ellenorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00711447641271274810noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8033297080212571676.post-78102046872910431742013-02-16T07:30:00.003-08:002013-02-16T07:30:58.392-08:00Into the lion den<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Its Monday, and I decide to go sort out this social services
thing once and for all. They were supposed to visit on the ward and I’m so glad
they didn’t. Not back on Friday, when I was all hospital gown and
disorientation; Far too vulnerable. I will go and see them, instead. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I still have the outfit I came in wearing, 4 days ago. I put
on the trousers and boots, along with my “going home” top and the cardigan with
the brooch on. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">They are just ordinary trousers, in a size 14. It seems incredible
that I wore them the day I gave birth. How could I not have noticed something
was wrong?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Social Services have their office one floor down in the
outpatient clinic and I breeze in, in this painstakingly put together outfit
and the hospital tags still on my wrists. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Susan MacDonald is a kindly looking woman in a very “public
sector” jumper. In other circumstances she could have been a colleague or a
friend. She says “You’re looking very
good so soon after a cesarean I was barely able to move this soon after mine”
and for the first time, I think that perhaps my self conscious display of hyper competency isn't necessary
after all. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We talk about Jimmy and his progress. His blood sugar is
still unstable. He needs to take more milk through his nose and then, later,
through his mouth. Then they’ll want me to come into transitional care with
him, before he can come home. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Susan mentions my discharge- today isn’t it? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Oh no” I say “I just thought I’d get dressed today to make
a change.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As if I would have <i>ever have </i>cone to a meeting like this in my pajamas. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Well the ward tells me it’s today” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am not in the slightest bit surprised that no one has told
me this. No one tells you anything. I
just say “Oh, well that’s good then” and the conversation moves on. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The appointments were sent out to the wrong address. Susan
has chased it up and it turns out I was right. I go to my handbag for a
document that might shed some light on the mix up. It is still in the NCT folder. This is <i>exactly </i>how I hoped things would go a
week ago.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Susan confirms that there are no child protection concerns
and she will close the case. It’s like I’ve been given the best present ever: The
chance to be a mother, unchallenged and unsupervised. This is so, so precious
to me.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Then she says something surprising. She says: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“I imagine this must have been very worrying for you” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There is such a huge emphasis on compliance; on “engaging
with services” that I honestly didn't realise they knew this. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And yes, it has been worrying- it has been fucking
terrifying.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">How was I going to
prove I could mother? I was brand new- never done it before. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I imagined weeks, months of home visits, of “helpful”
suggestions, of feeling the need to defer to the experts instead of learning
how to do things my own way. Of any tiny mistake being picked up on- only
confirming the need for involvement, prolonging it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> I remember the terror
I felt when it occurred to me that if this child is taken from me- future ones
might be taken too. At birth. I could have forfeited the opportunity to be a
mother forever. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And that was before he was born. Before I even knew how
important he was going to be to me. How terribly <i>wrong</i> it feels to be apart from him. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Yes” I say “It has been a bit of a worry” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Well, I’ll close the case then and pass on the message on
to the NHS. Unless you feel you might need some support?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“No thanks” I say “I’m fine”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And I am now, I really am. </span><o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
Ellenorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00711447641271274810noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8033297080212571676.post-14176981811778509712013-02-16T07:22:00.002-08:002013-02-16T07:35:46.700-08:00Chapter 7<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Finally its morning.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I haven’t slept or eaten in 24 hours. I
haven’t got pajamas or soap or any charge left in my mobile to ring someone and
ask for these things.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have a handbag with a folder of documents, a note book
and a final demand for council tax. I have a lovingly packed hospital bag sitting
in my spare room, 6 miles away. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Thank god for the bedside telly. If I keep it tuned to
Saturday Kitchen, I can anchor my thoughts to something harmless so they don't bother me so much as they drift about. I still have to deal with the
raggedy strung-out -ness of (I assume) low blood sugar though, and I’ve
just been told there’s no chance of anything to eat until breakfast time. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Breakfast turns out
to be a small bowl of cornflakes and a bread roll which does nothing much for
my hunger but a great deal for my mental health. I wait to be unhooked from my
catheter and walk, shaky as a new foal, to the shower cubical to wash with
borrowed soap and dry with borrowed towels.
I hold onto the walls for support and rinse thumb sized blood clots from
my cunt. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have to wait again to be taken to visit my baby. There is
the most interminable faff while a health care assistant checks in cupboards
for slippers, then checks another cupboard, then gives up and leads me in a
hospital gown and bare feet, to special care. The tiles are cold against my feet. It doesn't matter. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Jimmy’s knee joints are wider than his legs. Wider than his
arse even. His shoulder blades stick out from his back. He is sleeping on his side, propped up on a
rolled up sheet no bigger than a handkerchief. He is a pitiful scrap of a
thing. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I sit beside the incubator and lean my head on my arms to
watch him and fall asleep, myself. I have to be woken up and asked if I’d like
to hold him. I do. They place him foot first in my cleavage and his tiny eyes
look up at me, so trusting. I feel instantly calm. </span><o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
Ellenorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00711447641271274810noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8033297080212571676.post-5133880573248487092013-02-16T04:41:00.000-08:002013-02-16T04:50:19.376-08:00Chapter 6<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I call my Mum to let her know she has a grandchild. “When
are you going to have the next one then” she jokes and I laugh. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“If it’s going to be as easy as that: I’ll have another one
tomorrow!” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am hopped up on Morphine and feel fantastic. Even vomiting
into a cardboard cup while simultaneously hemorrhaging all over the sheets,
feels good. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I look down at the red stain, spreading like poppy petals
over the bed and wonder how it got there. I look at my husband’s pale face
and can’t think what he looks so worried about. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Jimmy is upstairs getting checked out and having his first
feed. This is to turn into a 10 day stay in Special Care but I don’t realise this yet.
When they say they “Just need to check him over” I take it at face value. Just
like I took it at face value when they “Just wanted to consult a doctor about
this scan.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I expect to have to start caring for him any second and even
begin to wonder how it looks: Me lying
here on drugs, strangers caring for my baby on another floor. Social Services
will surely be furious when they find out. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> I reason that I have
a valid excuse as long as my legs are paralysed. As soon as the spinal block wears off, I will
get up and go “collect” by baby. I realise that this may present some
difficulties in an unfamiliar building, off my head on drugs so I plan each
step carefully in my mind. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I visualise myself walking through the corridors in my
hospital gown, and then arriving at Special Care. I might look a bit disheveled so I’ll have to make a special effort to say the right thing:</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Thank you so much for watching him for me” I will say</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“I ‘ll take over
from here”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This plan is reassuring enough to allow me to sleep for oh,
10 minutes at a time. 10 whole minutes until someone comes by to check my
breathing or my blood loss and I cycle through the same thought process again.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">At one point I am given a sponge bath of such touching
gentleness I almost cry with gratitude. At another, I am given the most
horrific dressing since primary school for attempting to get out of bed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> By this time I have
seen the error of my “collecting the baby” plan and was only trying to get a
notebook from my handbag and write a To-Do list for the following day. I
almost, (but don’t), suggest to the nurse that she should be grateful for this
small mercy. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Somebody asks me how I am and I say I’m fine but I miss my
baby. I realise how true this is, as I’m saying it and I wonder at my
reactions. How can I love someone so much when I’ve never met him? How can feel
his absence so strongly before I’ve even known his presence?</span><o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
Ellenorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00711447641271274810noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8033297080212571676.post-79503283478494841582013-01-18T04:02:00.001-08:002013-01-18T04:02:28.291-08:00Chapter 5<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It’s Thursday morning and we are both dressed in our “visiting
the social worker outfits.” For me this means coral trousers, smart boots,
newish jersey top and cardigan. It’s similar to what I would normally wear at
work, except slightly smarter because I have dressed up the cardigan with a
brooch. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">For my husband this means a polo shirt with his company name
written on it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">To be clear: my husband does not have work today. He is wearing the polo shirt, purely and simply
in order to look like he has a job. Not
only does he look like he has a job in fact, he also looks like he’s willing to
take a few hours off of his job, to support his wife at a hospital appointment.
Perfect. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have collected up all my medical documents, removed them
from the plastic bag where they are normally kept and placed them inside an NCT
folder. This is so that when I bring out the documents, the social worker will
see that I’ve been to NCT classes. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We have both done this, instinctively and without discussion. When we see each other in the hallway we
laugh and hug because we are on the same page and going into battle together. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">On the way we clarify our tactics. We agree that we are
going to be polite and helpful and say nothing at all to suggest we are even a
little bit annoyed or worried at being investigated.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We are definitely “not that kind of people” and precisely
for that reason we would never be vulgar enough to actually <i>say </i>so. Instead we have simply costumed ourselves in <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sign_(semiotics)">signifiers</a> to that effect. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We go in for the scan and everything changes: The baby is
too small. There isn't enough amniotic fluid. The heartbeat is wrong. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The medical people do that very calm, very incremental escalation
of attention that they do in emergencies. So that one minute I’m looking at a blurry picture
of a fetus while the sonographer goes to “just check something” and the next, I’m
strapped to machinery signing a form giving advance permission for my womb to
be removed (should it prove necessary). And at no point has the tone of anyone’s voice indicated that something serious is
going on. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My husband is more of a worrier than me of course and sees
right through this. I find myself attempting to calm him down with the
information that “ They've been doing Cesareans since Roman times: hence the
name. <i>And</i> Caesar’s Mum survived- even
in those days.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I cannot understand why this fails to reassure him. In truth I
am full of anticipation. I will have a baby by the end of the day. Just as soon
as they have a theater free, in fact.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Absurdly: I am still concerned about social services though.
I am worried it will go against me if I
miss the meeting. After all, it wasn't my fault I missed the scans and that
went against me, didn't it?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> I don’t want to start
motherhood with this hanging over me so I ask the doctors if I can just nip
over to the social services office and quickly apologise for not being able to
make the meeting. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">They look at me like I’m a crazy person for failing to
understand the seriousness of the situation, even though they have been
consistently down playing it themselves. I send my husband, which gives him
something useful to do and also makes it look like I have a supportive husband
(which I do obviously- but I want to make sure that I’m <i>seen to</i>)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He returns with good news: The social worker seems happy
with us. She’ll some and visit me on the ward tomorrow and then she’ll close
the case. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A nurse comes by and asks when I last had something to eat
and drink. I tell her that I had breakfast cereal and a cup of tea around
8.00am and she says “Is that all?- no wonder you’re so slim. Not like me” and
pats her own belly in mock despair. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I take a moment to be amazed that,
even when she's waiting for Caesarean to deliver a baby tiny its life is in
danger: it is apparently <i>still</i> acceptable to compliment a woman on her weight. There must be literally <i>no </i>situation in which it is unacceptable to compliment a woman on her weight. I say nothing because it’s clear she is only trying to be nice and by now, I am really, really excited at being about to give birth. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am tagged and
catheterised and wheeled into an operating theater It is in the basement somewhere and has a sort of “backstage”
feeling to it, perhaps because patients are not usually awake to see it.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> Once there I am stabbed with needles to numb me below the waist and the nice surgeon makes small talk while we
wait for it to kick in. Then she rolls
me onto my back, rigs up a screen and pulls a tiny angry scrap of humanity out
from somewhere below my waist. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And that’s it: it’s over in minutes. My baby is 4lbs 2ozs of protesting red flesh. I can tell he’s OK because he’s crying. I can tell I’m OK because he’s OK. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And it’s strange because a moment ago- I only needed my
husband. They wouldn't bring him in from the corridor until they had me all
rigged up and I kept asking and asking after him.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But now- it’s like my whole
focus is on the baby. On his crying. I was good to hear him crying at first but now it feels like its been going on too long. It tugs at me and I want to comfort him. I’m asking: Where is he? Can you bring
him over? And they do but I can’t hold him because my arms are strapped to the
bed, but my husband does and he stops crying right away. He doesn't look too small to me. He looks perfect. </span><o:p></o:p></div>
Ellenorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00711447641271274810noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8033297080212571676.post-43070256221364905982012-11-25T06:33:00.000-08:002012-11-25T06:33:37.371-08:00Our Saga Continues. Chapter 4: In which our protagonists researches her situation<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">In the days that follow, I work out what has happened. It
looks as though the hospital didn’t properly log our change of address and
appointment letters have gone out to our old place. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I relay this to the social worker when she next calls.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">She sounds sceptical. “So, that’s what your saying has
happened?” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I cut her off <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“That’s what I <i>think </i>has
happened. I can find out for sure when I go in for my scan.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The scan they have finally booked me in for. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The one that should have happened months ago.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> I agree to pop
down to the social services office afterwards. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I research child protection procedure, to better understand
what will happen next. I talk to people about it, especially other mothers and
especially other mothers who have been investigated themselves. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">There is a predictable class divide. Middle class people
tell me there’s nothing to worry about, it’s just a mistake and <i>of course </i>it can all be smoothed out.
Working class mums tell me to be fearful, to put everything in writing and to
never ever admit to any vulnerability. I learn a lot. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The not showing vulnerability thing: That’s because Susan
MacDonald is there to help the baby: not me. There might come a time when she
needs to consider whether he might be better off without me. The game is not
simply to cope: It is <i>to be seen </i>to
be coping.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> If this feels pressurising to me (and it does) I can only imagine how
tough it must be to pull off in an actual crisis. I start to see how naïve I was,
when I almost suggested approaching them voluntarily, as a source of help. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I also learn that social services in </span><st1:city><st1:place><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Glasgow</span></st1:place></st1:city><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-family: Arial;">
are a little bit different. They are larger and better resourced than other
places and therefore (in practice if not in theory) have a lower threshold for
doing getting involved, which explains some of the wariness I've encountered
towards them. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">In areas where everyone is struggling to get by, it seems particularly
strange that such an individualised service is funded so generously. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-family: Arial;">It’s the irony of a state which won’t insulate housing, limit
fuel prices, raise state benefits, provide jobs or tackle a heroin trade so widespread
and influential that it takes in every ice cream van, arty night venue and town
councillor in the city. But will nevertheless send a worker around to note that
this household or that has no food in the cupboard, no heating and no adults
that aren't out of their minds with grinding worry and the bleakness of life. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">There are unintended consequences: Someone tells something
that happened at her kid’s school. A Mum wanted to make a complaint about how
the school had handled some bullying. The teaching assistant made some comments
implying that the child was poorly dressed and hungry. The mum understood what
was being threatened. She left without making the complaint. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
Ellenorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00711447641271274810noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8033297080212571676.post-51307809251699602172012-11-22T08:21:00.000-08:002012-11-22T08:21:20.014-08:00Not that kind of people<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> “That was social
services” I say to my husband. He flips. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">He is outraged and also scared. There’s something else too,
He sees this as an insult. Something is implied about us. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“They should know we’re not that kind of people” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I never get this attitude. What are “that kind of people.”?
If child protection procedures apply to one person they apply to everyone. But
now is not the time for that argument. We’re about to have a much worse one. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I tell him not to worry, it can all be cleared up. He
accuses me of complacency. We “discuss” how best to deal with the situation. I
think a letter should sort it. He thinks we should go to the midwives and
demand to know what is going on. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">In other words, in the words we actually use: He thinks I am
a weak person who puts my own discomfort at conflict ahead of our baby’s
welfare and will end up getting him taken into care. I think he’s a crazy bam
who wants to kick off at midwives which will get the baby taken into care.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">We
stand facing each other and shouting. This is terrible. We <i>never </i>argue. Later on my husband will tell me that while this
argument was going on he felt like “everything was falling apart.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-family: Arial;">We make up enough to concentrate on the issue at hand and go
to the library to photocopy medical records and write a covering letter. We fax
it from the library fax machine. The librarian makes small talk so I explain
what the letter is all about in a self depreciating “oh-dear-look-at-the-mess-I've-got-myself-into”
sort of a way. The librarian is horrified and scared on our behalf. She lets us
off the price of the fax because “it’s an emergency.” <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-family: Arial;">We go outside and the implications of her reaction hit me
along with the cold air. I didn't think I was being complacent up until now,
but perhaps I have been. This is obviously a very serious situation. I agree we
need to talk to the midwives. Yes, Now. But, </span><i style="font-family: Arial;">politely. </i><span style="font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-family: Arial;">We press on to the health centre and both the receptionist
and the midwife are shocked and scared for us. The receptionist comments on my
measured tone. “If it was me I’d be pure raging” I understand my husband’s
point of view more and more. I </span><i style="font-family: Arial;">do </i><span style="font-family: Arial;">seem
complacent. I’m not though, honestly. I'm only trying to appear calm because it
seems the best way to deal with it. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Well, its not, he points out. I'm not the official person
with the headed paper any more. I can’t afford to be calm and just expect to be
listened to. I'm just an ordinary mum with no power and I need to find an
official person to advocate for me. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Turns out the midwife doesn't mind taking this role at all.
She will call social services straight away and let them know I've been to all
my appointments. Her efficient reaction again worries me. As we leave I think:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Bloody hell. Everyone in this city is scared of these
people” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
Ellenorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00711447641271274810noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8033297080212571676.post-47038374419235849692012-11-22T07:56:00.002-08:002012-11-22T07:56:13.672-08:00An Unexpected Phonecall<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Arial;">Its late Monday
morning and I am mooching about the kitchen. It is my third week of maternity
leave and a Monday morning with no work is still a novelty. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Arial;">I am drinking tea
and reading a letter from the maternity hospital. It says I haven’t had any
antenatal care since Christmas, which is bollocks because I go to the midwives
at Maryhill Health Centre every month, and have done since we moved here. The
phone rings and I pick it up.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Arial;">“This is Susan
McDonald from social services. We’re a bit concerned that you haven’t been
accessing antenatal care” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Arial;">The training
kicks in, as they say in the military. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Arial;">The CAB training that is. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Arial;">I remember when I first started there. I used
to ring up the DWP or the council and bark like a little terrier. It was
aggression born from powerlessness and inexperience. Later on, I got a bit more
used to being listened to and that changed. I developed a smoother, more polite
negotiation style. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Arial;">I pull it out
now, along with the antenatal records from the cupboard. “I have the records to
hand right now. I can give you the times and dates of all my appointments” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Arial;">I can hear
Susan’s pen scritch scritching at the other end of the line, so I pause as I’m
speaking to allow her to catch up. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Arial;">She has some
additional questions: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Arial;">Is this my first
child, My address: Is that the high rises? Am I in work currently?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Arial;">“This is really a
shock.” I say “To come to the attention of social services, before the baby is
even born” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Arial;">It is a shock. I
feel like I’ve been caught out at something. I shouldn’t have said it though.
It sounds weak, like an admission. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Arial;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Arial;">Linda says she
will check out my story and call me back in a few days. I offer to post her
photocopies of my records. “Thank you
for your concern” I say as I hang up. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Arial;">“Thank you for
your concern?! Where did that come from? It sounds snotty. Not how I usually
talk. But no, it’s perfect. It’s the training kicking in. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Ellenorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00711447641271274810noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8033297080212571676.post-37007901773526249222012-11-04T03:14:00.000-08:002012-11-04T03:14:18.703-08:00The NCT Meeting: A Vignette<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Arial;">The light from
the generous bay window is shining in onto a dozen anxious couples perched on mismatched
sofas and chairs, more indicative of wealth somehow than matching ones would
have been. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Arial;">Various clutter including
a child sized viola case and sheet music has been pushed into a corner to make
room for us and a jolly woman in Birkenstocks has just asked us to brainstorm sources
of help for new parents. We are at an <a href="http://nct/">NCT</a> class is Glasgow's West End. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Arial;">“Imagine you’re
at the very end of your rope” says the Jolly Woman “Who would you go to for help” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Arial;">It’s a sobering
thought. I have worked at the CAB, however and I pride myself on knowing what
to do in most situations. I think I would know what to do. In my mind I am
thinking “Sure Start Centre, GP, Health visitor, Social Services” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Following my
usual strategy for group activities, I do not leap in straight away with the
answer. More polite to let everyone else have a go first, I think. I am immediately
glad of this when Dee, a flawlessly put together veterinary surgeon, suggests
hiring a night nanny. Someone else chips in with a Postnatal <a href="http://doula.org.uk/content/what-doula">Doula</a>; another person, a
support group like <a href="http://www.laleche.org.uk/">La Leche League</a>.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Arial;">I don't add anything. I thought I had the right answer but I don’t. At least not a answer appropriate to here. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Arial;">As the
conversation moves on, I realise every possible source of help I was able to
think of would have come with some element of social control. I look at the
list now filling the flipchart paper. Not one of those would, although some of
them look expensive. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Arial;">Aha, I think,
here is a pithy observation about the class system. Middle class people can
access help without being judged. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Arial;">I file it away to
use later on my blog. I have no idea how pertinent the issue is about to
become. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
Ellenorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00711447641271274810noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8033297080212571676.post-83987985409039192972012-10-04T01:00:00.001-07:002012-10-04T01:00:37.646-07:00Brilliant things my baby can do<h5 class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent"><br />
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: small;">1. If he’s a bit sleepy but not actually asleep, he can go to sleep by
himself in a cot, without being kept awake by the existential terror of
being alone. </span></span></span></span></span></h5>
<h5 class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /> 2. He can amuse himself for short periods of time by looking at shadows and trying to work out what they are</span></span></span></span></span></h5>
<h5 class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /> 3. He can bat objects about with his hands</span></span></span></span></span></h5>
<h5 class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /> 4. He can almost roll over</span></span></span></span></span></h5>
<h5 class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
5. If you put him on his front he can do a sort of action man commando
crawl- except without going anywhere. Then he can cry with frustration
until someone picks him up.</span></span></span></span></span></h5>
Ellenorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00711447641271274810noreply@blogger.com0